Dirty Ferdy was a cowboy most notorious
You could smell him in the distance of a mile
Oh, but look at him tonight, where he looks glorious
That's because he took a bath and dressed in style
Farmer Joe was getting married tonight, so there was a dance
Dirty Ferdy and his girlfriend dirty Marilyn
Rode a' horses from the stables to the car
Dirty Marilyn was looking very feminine
And was smoking nothing worse than a cigar
Farmer Joe was getting married tonight, so there was a dance
At the "Dead-Man's Bar", where the dance was held
The proprietor had put a neon sign that said:
"Now, boys, before you go in steppin'
Please check your guns and any other shootin' weapon"
So Ferdy checked his pistol, he was a cavalier
And he knew Marilyn had two more pistols in her bra**iere
So now then that was okay
So the band rose to play
A be-bop version of the overture to " Götterdämmerung"
And Marilyn took off her mink
And then they all had a drink
And another, to a song by Humperdinck
All the boys and girls were right polite
Farmer Joe, as you know, was getting spliced tonight
The Saxophonist was playing a run
Whereat the highest note turned out a little flat
Wherupon Ferdy, who didn't think that fun
Said to Marilyn: "That's a dirty rat!"
But the lights were dim
So cowboy Jim
Thought that Ferdy had directed that remark at him
And as he used to go with Marilyn 'til Ferdy came along
He felt such criticism morbid, inconsiderate and wrong
He didn't want to fray
That's not "distingue"
So he just bit Ferdy's nose off, and threw it away
Dirty Ferdy was hit!
Oh! He could spit
For his pistols he had checked and he was lost without it
But all at once he felt much better:
He remembered, Marilyn had two pistols in her sweater!
So with this attitude
He kicked Jim's lower latitude
Through that kick cowboy Jim could have flown to the moon
But the room came to an end and stopped his flight
He broke the ribs of several others to be spiteful
To farmer Joe this was all terribly frightful
But his wife said: "This wedding is delightful!
Now, let's get Dirty Ferdy, and let's get him tonigh!"
Ferdy knew, the time had come to use 'em
And shouted: "Marilyn, hand me those pistols from your bosom!"
But Marilyn said: "Surprise, surprise!
With my last two bullets I just k**ed three guys!"
And since empty pistols carry no authority
Dirty Ferdy tried at first to run away
But it was him against the terrible majority
And he woke up in the hospital next day
And they gave him a shot of Penicillin there
And a pretty nurse
...As has been mentioned, Dirty Ferdy was a cowboy most notorious
You could smell him in the distance of a mile
But it took him just a week and he looked glorious
'Cause he took a bath and dressed himself in style
Farmer Joe was getting divorced again, so everyone could dance some more