Everyone knows marijuana's dangerous
And medical pot is really strong
That's why it's so hard in California
To get your weed card
Unless something's really wrong
Gonna pay a visit to my doctor
It's a long shot but I gotta try
She hands me a list of all the ailments
I can have to qualify
Can't believe what I am reading
This is just what I've been needing
A government supply
To get legally high
Weed card, that's what I need
Hardly ever, okay, always
But it's not an addiction
'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety
Propensity for d** or alcohol, anorexia or obesity
Too fat, too thin, either way you win
Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness
St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay
Fatigue, depression, motion sickness
Impotence or TMJ
You can smoke to quit cigarettes
For asthma or motherf**ing Tourette's
It's a dream come true
There's nothing pot can't do
Weed card, that's what I need
Hardly ever, okay, always
But it's not an addiction
'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
Got back pain, need Mary Jane
Can't handle this, need cannabis
Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake
Have an injury, need TCH
Get f**ed up for your hyperhydrosis
Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis
It's not a crime, it's 420 time
Weed card, that's what I need
Hardly ever, okay, always
But it's not an addiction
'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription