Santa Clause:
Sweet robes, Obi
Wan-too-days in the snow Teach your flock to covet some fun.
I bring joy every year.
Man, I represent cheer.
You represent sandals and a scraggly beard.
I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes are so cold.
I spit diamonds, but I'm serving up some fresh coal.
You been a naughty boy, you brought a plague of frogs.
You best arrest yourself, you broke your own law.
Or was there something in rule six I didn't understand.
My list says k**ed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand.
I read your book, you got a strict religion.
No bacon? (pause)
But mandatory circumcision?
I'm a jolly bowl a jelly giving holiday presents,
But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous. Moses:
When I was high upon the mountain
God revealed the truths of the Earth,
but he never mentioned a fat a** Papa Smurf.
It takes nine reindeer to haul your fat a**.
You took the Christ out of Christmas,
And just added more ma**.
You need to stop breaking into houses and creeping and Peeping on naughty kids while they sleeping,
And keep your hands off my stocking.
Don't you Ho ho me, I'll split your a** in half
Like I did the red sea.
You ain't a saint you a slaver,
Like a pharaoh in the snow, stop with the unpaid labor
And let my little people go. Santa:
(Elf 1)
We ain't slaves.
(Elf 2)
All that sand turned your brains to mush.
(Santa)
I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush
(Elf 1)
Yeah, we're magical workers man!
(Elf 3)
We hang with reindeer.
(Elf 2)
Yo, here's a GPS.
(Elf 3)
Who gets lost for 40 years?
(Santa)
You're a glorified secretary, so write this down
(Elf 1)
Begat deez nuts
(Santa)
Santa Clause is coming to town.