When I was just a lad, me mum said "Darlin' Paddy
So's you won't be sad someday you'll want to marry
It's time we had this chat on how to find a wife for you
Old, young, skinny, or fat, the best to make a life for you
Just seek a girl with charms, like Venus but with arms
To keep your bed all warm and happily married will you be
It's how I caught your dad, me beauty drove him mad
And now you see he's had these many years of marital bliss and harmony."
Raise your gla**es high and toast to love and marriage
We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage
Whack-fe-lol-da-rah
But then I turned fourteen, me pa said, "Darlin' Paddy
I'll teach you the routine to find the girl to marry
You'll have the benefit of all me experience
In a relationship of lasting joy and permanence
Just marry an ugly girl, the oyster not the pearl
The ugliest in the world, 'cause a bonny la** could leave ya
I'm telling you now, me son, it's the reason I married your mum
So do as I have done, if an ugly girl, she leaves you
You'll find you don't really mind."
Raise your gla**es high and toast to love and marriage
We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage
Whack-fe-lol-da-rah
So's I've grown up a bit confused, love was such a bother
Courted pretty girls, and some that looked like me mother
So Mom and dear old Dad, the words to me you've spoken
I feel that I've been had, me heart is always broken
When I thought Id found true love, and I'm thanking God above
Push it came to shove and I'm back out on me bum again
I'm telling you lads it's true, no longer will I woo
Me heart is black and blue, I'll leave this game of love to you
I'm going off to become a priest!
Raise your gla**es high and toast to love and marriage
We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage
Raise your gla**es high and toast to love and marriage
We'll never understand 'til they slide our coffins from the carriage
Whack-fe-lol-da-rah