Mt. Hol. Fem. Sem. May 16. 1848.
My dear Abiah.
You must forgive me, indeed you must, that I have so long delayed to write you, & I doubt not you will when I give you all my reasons for so doing. You know it is customary for the first page to be occupied with apologies & I must not depart from the beaten track, for one of my own imagining.
I received your welcome letter at the commencement of last term & laid it in a snug corner of my folio, purposing to answer it immediately, but we were then busily engaged in preparing for the Spring Examinations which take place at the close of the first half of the term, & not a moment could be found to write in. Surely, thought I, there will be time for writing after Examinations, so I delayed. But when the last day of Examinations came, we were all worn out with excitement, and could not summon energy enough to write a letter. I had not been very well all winter, but had not written home about it, lest the folks should take me home. During the week following Examinations, a friend from Amherst came over & spent a week with me, & when that friend returned home, father & mother were duly notified of the state of my health. Have you so treacherous a friend?
Not knowing that I was to be reported at home, you can imagine my amazement & consternation when Saturday of the same week Austin arrived in full sail, with orders from head-quarters to bring me home at all events. At first I had recourse to words, & a desperate battle with those weapons was waged for a few moments, between my soph*more brother & myself. Finding words of no avail, I next resorted to tears. But woman's tears are of little avail & I am sure mine flowed in vain. As you can imagine, Austin was victorious & poor, defeated I, was led off in triumph. You must not imbibe the idea from what I have said that I do not love home - far from it. But I could not bear to leave teachers & companions before the close of the term and go home to be dosed & receive the physician daily, & take warm drinks & be condoled with on the state of health in general by all the old ladies in town.
Havnt I given a ludicrous account of going home sick from a boarding school? Father is quite a hand to give medicine, especially if it is not desirable to the patient, & I was dosed for about a month after my return home, without any mercy, till at last out of mere pity my cough went away & I had quite a season of peace. Thus I remained at home until the close of the term, comforting my parents by my presence, & instilling many a lesson of wisdom into the budding intellect of my only sister. I had almost forgotten to tell you that I went on with my studies at home, & kept up with my cla**. Last Thursday our vacation closed, & on Friday morn, midst the weeping of friends, crowing of Roosters & singing of birds, I again took my departure from home. Five days have now pa**ed since we returned to Holyoke & they have pa**ed very slowly. Thoughts of home & friends "come crowding thick & fast, like lightnings from the mountain cloud" & it seems very desolate.
Father has decided not to send me to Holyoke another year, so this is my last term. Can it be possible that I have been here almost a year? It startles me when I really think of the advantages I have had, & I fear I have not improved them as I ought. But many an hour has fled with it's report to heaven, & what has been the tale of me? I tremble when I think how soon the weeks & days of this term will all have been spent, & my fate will be sealed - perhaps. I have neglected the one thing needful when all were obtaining it, & I may never, never again pa** through such a season as was granted us last winter. Abiah, you may be surprised to hear me speak as I do, knowing that I express no interest in the all important subject, but I am not happy, & I regret that last term, when that golden opportunity was mine, that I did not give up & become a Christian. It is not now too late, so my friends tell me, so my offended conscience whispers, but it is hard for me to give up the world. I had quite a long talk with Abby while at home, & I doubt not she will soon cast her burden on Christ. She is sober, & keenly sensitive on the subject & she says she only desires to be good. How I wish I could say that with sincerity, but I fear I never can. But I will no longer impose my own feelings even opon my friend. Keep them sacred, for I never lisped them to any save yourself & Abby. How glad I am that spring has come, and how it calms my mind when wearied with study to walk out in the green fields & beside the pleasant streams in which S. Hadley is rich. There are not many wild flowers near, for the girls have driven them to a distance & we are obliged to walk quite a distance to find them, but they repay us by their sweet smiles & fragrance.
The older I grow, the more do I love spring & spring flowers. Is it so with you? While at home there were several pleasure parties of which I was a member, & in our rambles, we found many & beautiful children of spring, which I will mention & see if you have found them. The trailing arbutus, adder's tongue, yellow violets, liver leaf, blood root & many other smaller flowers.
What are you reading now? I have little time to read when I am here, but while at home I had a feast in the reading line, I can a**ure you. Two or three of them I will mention. Evangeline, The Princess, The Maiden Aunt, The Epicurean & The Twins & Heart by Tupper, complete the list. Am not I a pedant for telling you what I have been reading? Have you forgotten your visit at Amherst last summer, & what delightful times we had? I have not, & I hope you will come and make another and a longer, when I get home from Holyoke. Father wishes to have me at home a year, and then he will probably send me away again, where I know not. Have you finished going to school yet, or are you still at Springfield? It has been an age since I have heard from you and I know not where you are now. You must write me a long letter very soon, & tell me that you forgive my delay, & tell me too where you are. Ever your own aff. Emilie E. Dickinson.
My room-mate, Emilie, & Jane Humphrey desire an affectionate remembrance to your own dear self.
My studies for this series are Astronomy & Rhetoric, which take me through to the senior studies. What are you studying now, if you are in school, & do you attend to music? I practise only one hour a day this term.
Miss Merrill told me when I was at home that she expected Hattie, our old friend, to spend a part of the summer.