[Spoken]
First off, uh, shout out to Dan White Derulo
Shout out to anyone from Brunel Uni
And, anyone from Chepstow
My name's Elro
[Section 1]
I'm like an undercover cop, in bed, I'm undercover double
I'm undiscovered in rubble and only trouble is that
I keep staring in space, they call me Hubble
Like a co*kney in the bath with a bong, I'm having a bubble
They say I'm blocking, I'm table topping, I'm mocking
I'm mopping the floor for pills and sh**, Then I'm dropping
Un-metaphorically though, I'm like a boffin, I'm boffing
sh** the thought of a f*g got me coughin', now I'm in a coffin
Underlyin', I'm lying, I'm lying under my bed
I'm lying under the guillotine while they're giving me head
I'm like chlamydia bu*ter, coz I'm easily spread
I'm like a kid named Ed, coz my eyes are red
Tryin' to have a quick session, I'm messin'
Don't have a session when your mum's in the house, learned my lesson
Back to subject, I burn the bestin
If you want a toke on my spliff, need investment
I want to kick it with Rik Waller, and let him lick the
Sauce off a virgin's legs, I'm cherry lickin'
I'm sicker than playing cricket with real stumps as wickets
I'm in love with a mouse named Minnie, but I'll take the Mickey
A couple of people told me my sh** was offensive
So I stabbed them and put their heads on my fences
I told them understand a joke is a joke
And if they weren't so dense, then maybe I wouldn't get so defensive
I'm like a new born child, coz I'm a big tit s**er
Like a man named Freud coz I'm a clever motherf**er
This is the warm-up for SB TV
If you want to see more just search me...
[Section 2]
Coz I'm a chilled out drunk when I drink right
And I'm aware of the fact my body ain't built for the fight night
But it gives me the chance to relax and forget the fact I'm tall and white
But a bottle of vodka neat later
I keep drinking that ego inflator
I start thinking I'm Brad Pitt
Only less chiseled and more tragic
I start texting my ex's
I'm lying, I wish I had ex's
I'm texting girls that I wanna to have s** with
It's 3am and I won't stop pesting:
Hey you, it's three in the morning, I'm thinking about you
Only reason I'm drinking is about you
So come here and have s** with me
Please I'm begging you!
No text back now I'm cringing
Wondering why I keep whinging
Coz a day goes by and I don't look back
And I'm gonna go back to the binging
It's a strange thing, but I've just started fingering
Got a smell on my finger's that lingering
Sick of small talk girls just mingling'
Just give me the s**, my co*ks tingling
Anyway, back the girl them serious
Come round girls, chill with a beer with us
We got condoms, lubricant here with us
Watch Black Hawk Down, cry tears with us
We got a big TV with a HD input, wild life documentary
Serious, here with us
Watching a meerkat move on a HD screen is mysterious
Wait, now my phone's vibrating
I got a text from that girl I was dating
Well, when I say dating
I mean, looking on her Facebook and masturbating
Went to Tesco to buy some chicken
Found a girl so I stuck my dick in
Ended up in the back fruit aisle
The cops turned up, I said I'm just cherry picking
Got head on plane after take-off, found a girl
So I got her to take off, all her clothes, then she said shown up!
I'm a terrorist, either way I'm getting blown up
Coz my head's f**ed up off of Ritalin, my diet consisted of vodka and vitamins
Some people think I'm mad coz I'm giggling
But given the chance I'd choose head over Ketamine
Listen, we're approaching age when
Doesn't matter whether your black or Asian
Doesn't matter whether your flow's amazing
If you're a white kid from wales, you feel caged in
That's the reason the Facebook kids, so I can look at all the fit girl's tits
Have a little click through their holiday pics
You might think that I sound quite sick...
Screwed up from a couple d** like the crack
I'll be back with a back pack strapped to my back
Fulla vitamins, Niacin, Biotin, dealing the pills but like vitamin C and things
Coz I'm middle cla** junkie
I got a mate looks just like a monkey
Might sound like an arbitrary rhyme but
It doesn't bother me, I'm just part time
People telling me my bars just random, 2 goats on a bike, that's random, tandem
Put em on a sunbed, randomly tan them, then you've seen randem, mandem
I wanna kick it with the richest b**hes
I'll get them drunk and take pictures, which is
A bit creepy I know, but I'll risk it, I've flicked more beans than a spark has switches
Girls go for the gangster's right like, drive-bys in the middle of the night
So I tried one and then I got hit by a fright, Boris Johnson had cost me 6.99!
That's a lot for congestion, so as a gangster I asked him a question
Wrote him a letter with a couple of suggestions
Privatize all the public sections
"Dear Boris I am writing
(Well I'm on a PC so I'm actually typing)
And as a gangster I'm hyping
About 6.99 for a lap in a drive by
These fees you're creating and making are taking the piss and my heads aching, I'm stating
I got a hard time with the dating
And I get less gash than a monk in Beijing"
[Spoken]
My Name's Elro, just give me a search: Elro Raps