[Hook: Doc Waffles] Baby grab the blindfold and feel for the brushes under my coat Painting a painting of painting a painting of boats I'm gonna have Kentucky Derby hat catalogs Mailed to your house wrapped in plain brown paper On which is printed 'here's the smut you requested Wrapped in plain brown paper" done in big block letters Hide your life savings in the canva**y straps under my hat Painting a painting of painting a painting of cats [Verse 1: Doc Waffles] First of all I want the baseball tickets you owe me And a more disciplined aim that only fires at capital poultry Taking out personal ads in the back page of the news: Golf View Caligula seeks an all new rib to remove Let's play hooky, let's stay sloshy Till your David Hockney swimming pool freezes then play hockey Appear in alternating fogs, untrustworthy tiers Undressing herself to a Pete Rock beat that I hadn't heard in years Chicken bones. Batteries Dirty drink umbrellas. Gla** menageries Seizure me brown Bagley manhole cover gas plasma screen Madame tonight I'm trouncing your high Ms. Pac-Man score
[Hook: Doc Waffles] Baby grab the blindfold and feel for the brushes under my coat Painting a painting of painting a painting of boats I'm gonna take all the hairs you leave on my pillowcases And weave them into baskets for my antique postcards I'm gonna glue this unused plane ticket to the bottom of my shoe Then set the landspeed record Hide your Plan B pills in the canva**y straps under my hat Painting a painting of painting a painting of cats [Verse 2: Doc Waffles] My thirtieth birthday cake has turned a year old It's sitting in the corner of my room covered with mold It seemed so lonely all by itself in the cold I bought it a cake of its own with happy birthday written in gold Lizzy is married now...Mary's in Manistee Lilian's a lesbian I think...hanging her master's degree Popsicle stick picture frames fill the walls of my lonely place Who wants to stare at an empty trophy case? [Outro: Doc Waffles] Take your retainer out...like you're high on muscle relaxers Painting a painting of painting a painting of cats