Well we're living here in Allentown,
And he's driven our lives into the ground,
When we woke up we were wasted and drunk,
Phil got shot,
We got beaten by a monk,
I was happy and my life was good,
Getting married like a dentist should,
Roasting marshmallows on a stick,
I got f**ed in the a**,
By a chick with a dick,
(Alan: I remember that...)
And we're living here in Allentown,
But they're taking Teddy's finger now,
And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna loose my sh**,
And shoot Alan in the face,
... Then shoot myself