[PERCY]
Peaco*ks!
[PRINCE OF WALES]
Sink me!
[PERCY]
Think ye, sir,
how those feathered boys love to flaunt their tails!
Stallions!
[PRINCE]
Zounds, sir!
[PERCY]
Houds, sir! Stags!
Of the goosie and the gander, sir,
which gender is the grander, sir?
To render total candor, sir,
the splendor is the male's!
[PRINCE, spoken]
What? A man's duty is to wield the sword!
Defend the cave, what?
[PERCY, spoken]
Gad, no, Highness! A man's duty is to uphold the banner of beauty! And you, as prince of our land, must lead the way!
[PERCY]
Be an example to your s**.
[MEN]
Give your boot a dapper strap,
[MAN]
and it's smarter if your garter has some snap.
[PERCY]
Cravats should be flounced about our necks.
[MAN]
Let the royal coattails flap!
[MAN]
Be bewitching with some stitching on your cap!
[MEN]
Now drape you cape and puff your cuff!
Embroider those lapels!
[PERCY]
Be the king of the beasts in pastels!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes,
and that is why the Lord created men!
[PRINCE, spoken]
You're a nincompoop, Blakeney!
[PERCY, spoken]
Thank you, sir!
[PRINCE, spoken]
Always said you were! Always said, "Leave the fancy dress to the women!" Let me be a Roman, don a tunic! Bare the legs, eh what?
[PERCY, spoken]
Sink me, the man's lost his senses! Bare legs!
[PERCY]
Strut, sir!
[PRINCE]
What, sir?
[PERCY]
Roosters do.
Give a co*k his comb and the hens will pale.
Bucks, bulls!
More, sir!
[MEN and PERCY]
Boars, sir!
[PERCY]
Rams!
Of the nanny-goat and billy, sir,
whose beard is fully woolly, sir?
It's bully for the billy
for he's willy-nilly male!
[PRINCE, spoken]
Well, the male animal is dashing, of course. Robin redbreast! Moose with antlers!
[PERCY]
Sir! Be a lion-hearted prig!
Fill those pantaloons with light!
[PRINCE]
I could dangle down a spangle ... out of sight.
[PERCY]
Oh, yes! Be bold!
[MAN]
When it's cold, slap on that wig.
[MEN]
Draw your breeches in quite tight -
[PERCY]
Even more so and your torso will ignite!
[MAN]
Now smock your frock!
[MAN]
Perfume your plume!
[PRINCE]
I'll let my waistcoat swing!
[MEN]
And the jungle will bow to its king!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes!
[PRINCE]
And that is why the Lord created men!
[PRINCE, spoken]
Now, it's strange. There's nothing about it in the book of Genesis.
[PERCY, spoken]
Genesis? Ah, but think, sir!
[PERCY]
Adam was a gentleman in Eden.
Though his body was admired,
you will grant the adding of a fig leaf
was inspired!
[PRINCE]
Oh, a fig leaf - just the job!
[PERCY]
If you're out to make a splash, cheri,
do know your haberdashery!
[MEN]
bu*tons, buckles, ruffles, and lace
[PERCY]
represent the human race!
[MEN]
La, but someone has to strike a pose
and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes!
Each species needs a s** that's fated
to be highly decorated!
That is why the Lord created men!