Cheech (Father): I SAID TURN THAT THING DOWN AND GET READY FOR SCHOOL!
Chong (Son): HEY! What're ya tryin' to do?! You ruined my record, man, I just bought it!
Cheech: I don't care what you just bought! You get your fanny-perpendicular and get ready for school!
Chong: I'm not going to school!
Cheech: What do you mean you're not going to school?!
Chong: Just what I said, I'm not going to school!
Cheech: And why not?!
Chong: Because I'm sick, that's why not!
Cheech: Sick...you're sick alright, what's wrong with you now, Prince Charming?
Chong: I got an earache
Cheech: Earache my eye! How'd you like a bu*tache?! Now get your little fanny out of that bed and clean up this room, it looks like a pigsty. You hear me?!
(Chong makes pig noises)
Cheech: Alright, that's enough! That's enough! You've pushed me far enough, young man, you're getting punished! Now stand up!
Chong: No!
Cheech: I said STAND UP!
(Pulls Chong's hair and Chong screams)
Chong: Hey, let go of my hair, man!
Cheech: Now, young man, I have talked to you, and talked to you, and talked to you until I'm blue in the face, and I'm done talking to you!
Chong: Good, does that mean you're done spitting on me, too?!
Cheech: Shut up, I'm not done talking to you! Now turn around and bend over!
Chong: Well, what're ya gonna do ya pervert?
Cheech: Pervert...why you snotty...
(Cheech chases Chong and Chong whimpers)
Cheech: Oh, shut up, I haven't even touched you yet! Now I want you to know that this is going to hurt you more than it's gonna hurt me!
(Cheech spanks Chong weakily)
Chong: Oh, wow, that didn't even hurt
Cheech: Oh yeah!?
(Cheech spanks Chong weakily again)
Chong: Oh, wow, what're you trying to do, tickle me?
Cheech: Tickle you, yeah, I'll tickle you...
(Cheech spanks Chong hard, hurting him)
Cheech: Does that tickle, huh? How about another tickle? Come on, laugh it up, funny boy!
(Cheech finishes spanking Chong)
Chong: No more, no more, no more!
Cheech: Alright, are you going to do what I tell you?
Chong: Yeah, yeah! (Whimpering)
Cheech: Are you going to talk back to me?
Chong: Yeah, yeah! (Going along with the lecture, doesn't realize what he said)
Cheech: WHAT?!
Chong: I mean, no, no, no...
Cheech: Good. Now you get your clothes on and get your little bu*t ready for school. Right now, do you understand?
Chong: (Faking a whimper) Yeah...
Cheech: Alright
(Cheech leaves the room and closes the door, Chong breathes a sigh of relief and turns on the music again)