[slow, reverent music plays]
[Verse One]
I'll be home for Christmas
Watching the PapaJohns.com Bowl
Florida State leads by twenty-eight
So why...is Rutgers...attempting a field goal?! It's 4th and 17, you gotta go 4th and do an inside kick!
Christmas Eve will find me
Rocking out to Styx
As I flog my knob to the J. Crew catalog
'Cause the video store closed at six!
[tempo increases, picks up rock beat]
[Verse Two]
I'll be home for Christmas
Knockin' back some brews
Screw nutmeg, I got a party keg
And I'm crankin' Motley Crue!
Christmas Eve will find me
Polishing my horn
Yes, I'll be home alone this Christmas
Jerkin' it to p**n!
I'll be home alone this Christmas
Spankin' it to p**n!
[band plays flourish, fades back to slow music]
I won't be all alone this Christmas
'Cause I'll be jerking it....to...p**n!
(music stops)
(laughs) Yeah...