(From the 1974 movie "Mame")
We'll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals;
We'll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There's me to protect you.
If I say that your tongue is vicious,
If I call you uncouth;
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and tell you the truth.
Tho' now and again I'm aware that my candid opinion may sting,
Tho' often my frank observation might scald;
I've been meaning to tell you for years
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
If I kept my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald.
Do you have a quart of a John? But darling,
We'll always be dear companions,
My crony, My mate;
We'll always be harmonizing,
Orphan Annie and Sandy,
Like Amos and Andy.
If I say that your sense of style's as far as off as your youth;
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you the whole stinking truth.
Each time that a critic has written, "Your voice is the voice of a frog!"
Straight to your side to defend you I rush;
You know that I'm there every time
That the world makes an unkind remark.
When they say "Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush!"
It hurts me!
I'm thrilled by the style and wit
Of each jest that you make it embracing to
Tray quips with my bosom buddy
You won't can't you Benchley you snake.
I feel it's my duty to tell you it's time to adjust to your age;
You try to be "Peg O' My Heart", when you're "Lady Macbeth."
Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth!
How old do you think?
I'd say somewhere in between forty and d**h!
But sweetie,
I'll always be Alice Toklas,
If you'll be Gertrude Stein.
And tho' I'll admit I've dished you,
I've gossiped and gloated,
But I'm so devoted.
And if I say that s** and guts made you into a star,
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you how rotten you are.
Just turn to your bosom buddy
For aid and affection,
For help and direction,
For loyalty, love and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and level
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!