I pounded on a farmhouse
Lookin' for a place to stay
I was mighty, mighty tired
I had come a long, long way
I said, "Hey, hey, in there
Is there anybody home ?
I was standin' on the steps
Feelin' must alone
Well, out comes a farmer
He must have thought that I was nuts
He immediately looked at me
And stuck a gun into my guts
I fell down
To my bended knees
Saying, "I dig farmers
Don't shoot me please"
He co*ked his rifle
And began to shout
"You're that travelin' salesman
That I have heard about"v I said, "No ! No ! No !
I'm a doctor and it's true
I'm a clean-cut kid
And I been to college too".
Then in comes his daughter
Whose name was Rita
She looked like she stepped out of
La Dolce Vita
I immediately tried to cool it
With her dad
And told him what a
Nice, pretty farm he had
He said, "What do doctors
Know about farms, pray tell ?"
I said, "I was born
At the bottom of a wishing well".
Well, by the dirt 'neath my nails
I guess he knew I wouldn't lie
He said "I guess, you're tired"
He said, kinds sly
I said, "Yes, ten thousand miles
Today I drove"
He said, "I got a bed for you
Underneath the stove
Just one condition
You got to sleep right now
That you don't touch my daughter
And in the morning, milk the cow".
I was sleepin' like a rat
When I heard something jerkin'
There stood Rita
Lookin' just like Tony Perkins
She said, "Would you like to take a shower ?
I'll show you up to the door"
I said, "Oh, no, no
I've been through this movie before
I knew I had to split
But I didn't know how
When she said,
"Would you like to take that shower now ?"
Well, I couldn't leave
Unless the old man chased me out
'Cause I'd already promised
That I'd milk his cows
I had to say something
To strike him very weird
So I yelled out
"I like Fidel Castro and his beard"
Rita looked offended
But she got out of the way
As he came charging down the stairs
Sayin', "What's that I heard you say ?"
I said, "I like Fidel Castrov I think you heard me right"
And I ducked as he swung
At me with all his might
Rita mumbled something
'Bout her mother on the hill
As his fist hit the icebox
He said he's going to k** me
If I don't get out of the door
In two seconds flat
"Your unpatriotic
Rotten doctor Commie rat".
Well, he threw a Reader's Digest
At my head and I did run
I did a somersault
As I seen him get his gun
And chrashed through the window
At a hundred miles an hour
And landed fully blast
In his garden flowers
Rita said, "Come back"
As he started to load
The sun was comin' up
And I was runnin' down the road.
Well, I don't figure I'll be back
There for a spell
Even though Rita moved away
And got a job in a motel
He still waits for me
Constant on the sky
He wants to turn me in
To the FBI
Me, I romp and stomping
Thankful as a romp
Without freedom of speech
I might be in the swamp.