After another allnighter of k**ing
Turkey makes movie madness pit stop rental
For some goretits and blood spilling
I tried to rent 'Don't Go In The House'
But some dipsh** beat me to it
Instead I got stuck with something called Boarding House!!!
Alone on the racks it sat stinking like slime
Battered, worn out, and beat up
A forgotten VHS turd in time
Said it starred someone named 'Kala**u'
And directed by 'John Wintergate
I wondered and shouted out loud 'WHO???'
I did not expect what I saw on my TV
My brain began to instantly rot
As new heights of lunacy flashed before me
Early 80's shot-on-video pioneering trash
Piled on the gore, filth, and b**bage
So greasy and stupid it gave me a rash
Cheesy commodore 64 opening credits
With loud obnoxious sounds grating my ears
And really testing my limits
Tells the tale of the cursed 'Hoffman house'
A premise so flimsy and weak
I hope a chick at least takes off her blouse
Boarding House!!!
Where the rent won't k** you
But something else will!!!
Boarding House!!!
Along with the new residents
Something else moved in!!!!
Camaro driving sleazeball re-opens the place
Pathetic rat-tail sporting, weasel looking ba*tard
'Tom G Warrior with AIDS' with an even uglier face
Ad in paper looking for 'beautiful women with no ties'
1980's s*uts arrive firing up the Jacuzzi 'n bikinis
I really couldn't wait until everybody dies!!!
Slasher-style k**ings, bad dreams and pie fights
Bad editing, fake accents, dime-store gore fx
Wow this flick really f*cking bites!!!
But the more I watched, the more my sanity fled
Sitting through this sh**bucket of a flick
Meant that people would soon be dead!!!
Boarding House!!!
Where are you Kala**u, John Wintergate
And the others???
Boarding House!!!
You've taken 95 minutes of my life away
So how do I than you???