I don't understand anything, so there you go. You know the problem? I watch too much news, man. That's my problem. That's why I'm so depressed all the time! I've figured it out! I watch too much CNN, man.
I don't know if you've ever sat around and watched CNN longer than, say, 20 hours in one day... I don't recommend that.
Watch CNN Headline News for one hour. It's the most depressing thing you'll ever f**in' do.
War! Famine! d**h! AIDS! Homeless! Recession! Depression! War! Famine! d**h! AIDS! Homeless!
Then you look out your window... [crickets chirping]
Where's all this sh** happening?
Ted Turner's making this sh** up, man! Jane Fonda won't sleep with him, he runs to a typewriter!
"BY 1992, WE WILL ALL DIE OF AIDS. Read that on the air. I don't get laid, NO ONE gets laid."
I'm writin' Jane Fonda, "Will you f** this guy so we can get some good news, please?"
I wanna see a well-laid Ted Turner newscast.
"Hey, it's all gonna work out! Here's sports!"