Morticia:
My daughter's getting married
I can't believe it's true
She doesn't ask her parents
Before she says "I do"
And what about my husband?
Oblivious, naive
This evening's getting serious:
These Ohioans won't leave
But I can't let these latest problems
Rob me of my bliss
For when I'm scared of true disaster
I remember this:
d**h is just around the corner
Waiting patiently to strike
One unplanned electrocution
That's the kind of end
I can comprehend
When I'm feeling uninspired
Or I need a little spree
I'm reborn knowing
d**h is just around the corner
Coming after me
(spoken) Get it? Coroner. d**h is just around the... corner
d**h is just around the corner
Waiting high upon the hill
Someone buried in an avalanche (gasp)
That's the kind of gig
I can really dig
Marriage often disappoints you
Not each husband is a gem
So I'll mourn
Knowing d**h is just around the corner
Coming after them
If life's all plums
I'll muddle through some
But when d**h comes
I hope it's gruesome. (hot-cha)
Some people die from public stoning
Faulty wiring, faulty zoning
Cherry pits they didn't know were there. (choking noise)
It could be by a jungle cat
Female Ancestor:
A slippery mat
Male Ancestor:
A baseball bat
Morticia:
Perhaps an unsuccessful love affair. (crying noise)
It could be on a speeding train
It could be underwater
It could be too much Novocain
Or even by your daughter
Female Ancestor:
Perhaps a bad mosquito bite
Male Ancestor:
A title fight
Female Ancestors:
Religious rite
Morticia:
My darlings, it might even be tonight
d**h is just around the corner
No one's ever been immune
Turning off a respirator
With a simple click
Strenuously quick
I can face a new tomorrow
If I make it past today
I feel good saying
d**h is just around the corner
Simply on its way
d**h is just around the corner
And you have to heed the call
(Don't ask why)
For your d**h is just around the corner
(You and I)
Happy being both the mourned and mourner
(Say goodbye)
Because d**h is just around the corner
Coming for us all