The other day i took a walk because the air was sweet
Then i pa**ed the crusty house of a curmudgeon on my street
Now every town's got one and i'm sure you'll understand
When i tell this ol' ba*tard was a mean and bitter man
Now on this day it was special i was wearing my new hat
The ol' curmudgeon saw this and he disapproved of that
He said "I had one just like it for ten years, ya ripped me off!
You got no right to wear a hat like mine so take it off!"
Now as it happens i'm a gentleman so i approached his porch
I told him "Great minds think alike and you have one of course
So how about i just tip my hat to you when i come through?"
He reached down for his gun and said "I'll shoot you if you do!"
Then i said "No one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead"
The next day i forgot this whole damn mess and went to town
And there i saw a hundred or so posters all around
And on them was my face and i was wearing my new hat
And they read "This guy ripped me off! I got one just like that!"
I took a walk down to his house to see if i could find
A way to show him that we're kindred spirits of the mind
I said "I didn't make these hats. Nor did you of course!
And hey! we both love Johnny cash!" he said "GET OFF MY PORCH!"
Then i said "No one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead"
When you look back on your life what will you see?
Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?
There's no shortage of potential enemies
So dont waste so mush time pushing away your kind
Now you may think i'm stupid or just crazy from the heat
When i went down to the house of that curmudgeon on my street
Maybe it was foolish to go to his house again
Just to show this drunk and crazy fool he had a friend
When i got there, much to my surprise, he wasn't there
He was gone as was his shotgun and his rocking chair
I asked the neighbor lady who was laying on her lawn
"What happened to that mean ol' man?" she shrugged and that was all!
Then i said "No one's gonna cry at your funeral
No one's gonna drink at your wake
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye
'cause no one's gonna miss you
Hell, No one's gonna notice
And i'll enjoy the silence
When you're dead"