When I was five, my brother stole my lollipop
My lollipop stole he
But I didn't mutter, "Damn your hide,"
He needed candy more than I'd
So instead of biting off his hand
I just said, "Goo! I understand!"
When I was ten, my mother trounced me with a mop
With a mop trouncéd she me
But I didn't mutter, "Damn your eyes,"
I knew she needed exercise
So instead of joining a gypsy band
I just said, "Mom, I understand."
At thirty a man in a car ruthlessly ran me down
He ruthlessly down ran me
But I didn't mutter, "Damn your spleen,"
For a man's a man, but a car's a machine
So instead of stripping him of his land
I just said, "Jack, I understand."
Now I'm forty-five and I've met Claire, we're engaged to wed
Engaged to wed are we
But tonight I tell you, "Damn you, Claire,"
You played me evil and that's not fair!
So instead of remaining calm and bland
I hereby do not understand!