[GREG]
Gather ye 'round
And I'll tell you a tale
Of all the great times
I've had with an ale
There's joy and there's glory
More than you can think
Yes this is what happens to me
When I drink!
I pee my pants!
My pants!
I pee my pants!
I get up from the bar
To find pee on my pants!
I say it's water
But all it takes is a glance
For people to realize
I peed my pants!
[WHITE JOSH]
Wow, I did not know it was that bad
[GREG]
Yes wine can be fun
White, rosé and red
'Till I call up my boss
To say I wish he was dead!
Chase down the regret
With some gin for good luck!
Then steal my cousin Jim's
Landscaping truck!
Drive home then
I puke on my cat!
My cat!
I puke on my cat!
I fall through the doorway
And puke on my cat!
Poor little Bruno
Did not expect that!
I tried for the toilet
But puke on my cat!
While some can enjoy
A scotch with a steak
Or one gla** of wine
Then they're barely awake
For me it's much different
What happens when
I try to have one
It just turns into ten
And then...
I fly a plane!
A plane!
I fly a plane!
I knock on the co*kpit
Shouting
"I'll fly this plane!"
We emergency landed
The TSA came
Now I'm banned from Southwest
Cause I try to fly planes!
EVERYBODY!
[ALL MEN, except GREG]
He has s** with a bush!
A bush!
He has s** with a bush!
[GREG]
That wasn't a woman?
[ALL MEN, except GREG]
No it was a bush!
It had twigs and leaves
Cause it was a bush!
[GREG]
That's where that scar comes from!
[ALL MEN, except GREG]
From s**ing a bush!
But he's breaking the cycle
And making a push!
He's quitting his drinking
And saving his
Pants and his
Cat and
Southwest and
Jim's truck
[HECTOR]
And my car
[WHITE JOSH]
My car too!
[ALL MEN]
And a bush!