[Verse 1: Rebecca Bunch, played by Rachel Bloom]
Well, you can take your snow and shove it
This is our Christmas and we love it
It's a hundred degrees
This elf is Vietnamese
That's the way the California does it
[Josh Chan, played by Vincent Rodriguez III]
Even our Santa has a suntan
He's also an unemployed stuntman
[Rebecca]
Is he even awake?
[Santa (speaking) played by Sean van der Wilt]
Yeah, I'm just really baked
[Josh]
If he can be Santa Claus
Anyone can!
[Chorus: Rebecca & Josh]
California Christmastime
It's just a Golden State of mind
Chet's nuts roasting in the bright sunlight
[Rebecca, speaking]
Put on some pants, Chet!
[Rebecca & Josh]
And what would Christmas be without
Historically low mountain snow
Causing staggering drought
[Josh]
But hey, this egg-nog fro-yo's super tight!
[Rebecca]
Super tight!
Cause this is California
And we do Christmas right!
[Josh, speaking] [Off-screen back-up singers]
Mmm, so good! California Christmastime
[Verse 2: Darryl Whitefeather, played by Pete Gardner]
Don we now our surf apparel
And we have our own kind of Christmas carol
[Paula Proctor, played by Donna Lynne Champlin]
It's this chick named Carol, she does henna tattoos
[Darryl]
Carol's 50, but no judgements – she's still finding herself
[Rebecca, Josh, Darryl, Heather & Carol]
We're all finding ourselves!
[Greg Serrano, played by Santino Fontana]
OK, there is no easy answer
[Heather Patel, played by Vella Lovell]
For our high rates of skin cancer
[Carol, played by Murphy Cross]
It took my dad's life
[Santa Claus]
And it k**ed my wife
[Greg, Heather, Carol & Santa Claus]
Hang ten, Rudolph and Prancer!
[Chorus: everyone]
California Christmastime
We gather 'round and sing songs by Sublime
And all our local reggae bands are white
The kids get lots of Christmas toys on Christmas morn
Cause daddy makes big bucks directing p**n
[Rebecca]
They may have gonorrhea, but at least it's not frostbite!
[Everyone]
It's not frostbite!
Cause this is California
And we do Christmas right!
[Everyone]
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
California Christmastime
[Rebecca]
California Christmastime
Calif…
[speaking]
You have places to be, I get it