Performed by Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Tim Meadows, David Spade, Steve Koren, Tim Herlihy, and Margaret Ruden
(Car approaches)
Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
M1: "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a f**in' idiot!"
(Pays toll and drives off)
Toll Booth Willie: "Go f** yourself you son of a b**h! I'll come right outta the booth and f**in' whack ya, you f**in' prick!"
(Another car approaches)
M2: "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
M2: "Oh, great, great. How much?"
Toll Booth Willie: "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
M2: "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat a**!?"
(Pays toll and drives off)
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you f**in' hard on! I'll f**ing Carlton Fisk yer f**in' head with a Louise-ville f**in' slugger! Whadya think of that a** f**!?"
(Another car approaches)
F1: "Hi Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
F1: "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear your the best with directions."
Toll Booth Willie: "Well I know my way around New England. I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"
F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive up your a**. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you f**in' prick."
(Drives off)
Toll Booth Willie: "You f**in' b**h! f** you! You forgot to pay the f**in' toll you dirty who*e! I'll f**in' drop you with a boot to the f**in' skull you cum guzzling queen!"
(Another car approaches)
M3: "Hey Willie."
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, how are ya?"
M3: "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go f** yourself."
(Pays toll and drives off)
Toll Booth Willie: "Dah, you f**in' prick! I hope you choke on a f**in' bottle cap, ya f**in' son of a f**! Eat sh**! Eat my sh**!"
(Another car approaches)
Bishop Nelson: "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. That was quite a sermon you had the other day."
Bishop Nelson: "Hey, well I do my best."
Toll Booth Willie: "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
Bishop Nelson: "Dollar twenty-five, Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog sh**!?"
(Pays toll and drives off)
Toll Booth Willie: "Ohhh! Have another one, you f**in' lush! It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya f**in' douche bag!"
(Another car approaches)
M5: "Hey!"
Toll Booth Willie: "Well hey!"
M5: "Yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat a**!?"
(Pays toll and drives off)
Toll Booth Willie: "Well, I already heard that one you f**in' unoriginal ba*tard! Go s** a corn you f**in' piece of repeatin' sh**!"
(Another car approaches)
F2: "Hi."
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
F2: "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
Toll Booth Willie: "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
F2: "Here ya go."
(Pays toll)
F2: "Thank you."
(Begins to drive off)
Toll Booth Willie: "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?"
F2: "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
(Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her)
Toll Booth Willie: "And here ya are."
F2: "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
F2: "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
Toll Booth Willie: "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
(Signing receipt)
F2: "Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest f**in' dip sh** with the smallest dick alive. You understand."
(Drives off)
(Crumples up paper)
Toll Booth Willie: "f** you, you f**in' upity b**h! I'll f**in' f** you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your f**in' mothers! You're gonna die, b**h! I'm comin' outta the booth!" (Opens the door and runs out of the booth)
(Car screeches and hits him)
Toll Booth Willie: "Ooooh! My f**in' leg!"
M6: "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
M7: "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
dried up stinky dick licker."
Toll Booth Willie: "Why you f**in' pricks. I f**in' hear every f**in' word yer saying! When this f**in' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new f**in' a**holes!
(Everyone cussing eachother out)