Davey:
Tommy, nothing personal, but Whitey Duval should've won the Patch
Tonight, and you people are crazy for not realizing that
Tommy:
Why would we give Whitey Duval the Patch? So he could use it as a
Blanket? *laughter*
Davey:
That's the reaction I thought I'd get...
Everyone in this room has been a**ociated with Whitey, either through
Basketball, or the mall, or various odd jobs he does around town for
Free or at most a dollaaaar
And I'm guessing 99% of you have either laughed in Whitey's face or
Ruthlessly made fun of his feet, or voice, or sister, or shortness when
He wasn't looooooking
But the next time you see him he'd still go out of his way to smile and
Wave at you and ask you about your mother's operation or something
Like that, because he, unlike us, actually cares about someone other
Than himseeeellf
The reason I bring this uuuup to you, is because IIIII was the worst
Offender..... of all
My life was simply going no where
Then a tiny little man rushed to my side
He should've gotten a big "thankyou"
Instead he got a port-a-potty ride
I was such a sh**head
But he never quit on me
'Til I told him he was useless
And his sister was freaky
Some guy:
Once when we were watching Sunday Football
A fuzzy screen was all that we could see
Whitey came over with a hanger
And spent the game on top of a TV
And when the lightning struck him, (Aaiii!)
He let out a wicked-loud yell (Eeeeee)
But we just turned up the volume
And ignored the burning smell
We should all rot in hell!
Old Lady:
I went to highschool with Whitey
As a joke I told him to meet me at the prom
When he got there I said "I can't believe you thought I was serious,"
So he ran home crying and slow-danced with his mom
Davey:
What a crushing blow to Whitey
I bet you wish you could take it back
Chinese guy:
How could all be so mean to Whitey?
Sound to me like you are all on crack!
Jennifer:
Tonight Whitey was counting on this town
To show him that we care
But the first time he really needed us
We weren't there-----
(Benjamin: And on Christmas Eve and the last night of Chanukah)
Davey: It's just not faaair
Police officer:
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum bum
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum
(x2) (Second time Chinese guy joins in)
Davey: I wonder if that guy ever wiped his a** with the wrong haaand
Tommy: Yes ..........
Everyone:
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum bum
Bum bitty bitty bitty bum
(repeat to end)