Title: The Witch's Garden
The episode begins with a frog carrying a crown walking with FINN and JAKE following behind.
JAKE: Dude... how long are we gonna follow this frog?
FINN: I just wanna see 'im put on that crown.
The frog walks through the bars of a locked gate.
FINN & JAKE: (Running towards the gate) Wooow!
JAKE: It looks cool in there!
FINN: (Pointing to lock on gate) Too bad we don't have the key to this.
JAKE: What're you talkin' about? (Indicating his legs) I got two keys right here!
FINN laughs and gets on JAKE's back. JAKE stretches over the wall of the garden.
FINN: Whoo-hoo!
FINN and JAKE land inside the garden.
JAKE: Wow! Look at this place!
FINN: JAKE. Are these donuts?
JAKE: They look like donuts.
FINN: But maybe they're poisonous donuts! (JAKE begins sniffing one of the donuts on the bush.) Yeah! Sniff it, JAKE! s** up those toxins!
JAKE sniffs it thoroughly.
JAKE: Wait a second... I don't know what poison smells like.
WITCH: Hey! (She strains towards FINN and JAKE on her cane.) (Lifting her cane) Razzamafoo!
She switches places with FINN and JAKE.
JAKE: Hey!
FINN: What gives?!
WITCH: You ate one of my donuts!
JAKE: No, I didn't. I just sniffed it.
WITCH: RAAAAAGH!! You're lying! The stink of magic dog lips is everywhere!
FINN: Holy slug, lady! Calm down!
JAKE: Listen, Mrs. WITCH.
WITCH: I never married!
JAKE: Well, I never ate your donuts.
WITCH: You... you're eating one right now!
JAKE: (Mouth full) No, I'm not! (Noticing he is holding a donut) Whoa-hoa! Hm... That's weird... I don't even remember grabbing this. My subconscious must be hungry, huh? Huh... whatever. (Finishes donut)
WITCH: (Convulses angrily) MAGICUS NOMORICUS!
JAKE: Uh-oh. (Gets blasted)
FINN: AAH! (The magic smoke makes him and JAKE cough.) Dude, are you okay?
JAKE: Yeah... I think so. Just a little chilly. (Noticing he is in his underwear) WHOA!
WITCH: Ahahahahahehehe!
FINN: What did she do to you?
WITCH: I stripped him of his magical powers!
FINN: For stealing one of your billions of donuts?!
JAKE: Yeah, it's not like I k**ed your husband or somethin'.
WITCH: (Livid) I AM NOT MARRIED!
FINN: The point is you overreacted.
JAKE: And what gives? (Pointing to his nipple) I used to have like eight more of these things.
WITCH: The only way I'll give back your powers is if you admit your error and say you're sorry and mean it! ...'Cause I can tell the difference.
JAKE: Well, you can forget it because you're the one who's wrong! (To FINN) ...Right?
FINN: Total support, dude.
WITCH: (Convulsing angrily) RRRRAAAARRGH!! (Waving her cane) Go-backicus-from-whence-you-came-icus!
FINN: Aw, now you're just makin' these up!
He and JAKE disappear.
WITCH: (Rubbing one of the donuts) Are you alright, my... my donut pretties? Heh heh... Wait a second. YOU'RE A BAGEL! LIARS! LIARS EVERYWHERE!
The bagel becomes "stripped." Scene shifts to the Tree Fort.
FINN: There's gotta be a way to get your powers back! Where'd they come from, anyway? Were you born with them? Or... did you have a freak industrial accident?!
JAKE: Ha. That takes me back. Let me just... (deep voice) remember. (A memory bubble appears above his head.) I see a memory. When I was just a pupster... I'm rollin' around in a mud puddle, and I'm just... lovin's it. Oh, no! (The bubble explodes. JAKE pants from exhaustion.) Whoo... Remembering is hard work.
FINN: What happened next?!
JAKE: Oh. Um... I went into the mud, and... I guess I became a magic dog?
FINN: Okay! Then our course is clear! We'll roll you in every mud puddle in Ooo until we find the one that'll restore your powers.
JAKE: (Lying down) That's nuts, man. You got any idea of how many mud puddles are in the land of Ooo? Four? Maybe even five?
FINN: JAKE, come on! We've always been lucky, buddy! Maybe the first mud puddle we find will be the right one!
JAKE: Nonsense... but I like it!
FINN: (Jumping out window) Then away! Hyuh! Whoo-hoo!
JAKE: Yeah, let's do it!
FINN lands on his feet; JAKE lands on his face with a thud.
FINN: Oh, my gosh!
JAKE: I forgot that I don't have magic powers anymore. How do we search for the mud without my powers?
FINN: We run! Run like energetic little boys! (FINN runs quickly away.)
JAKE: (To himself) This whole time, I thought running was some sort of... leg magic. (JAKE begins trudging along. Before long, he gets tired.) Huh... Look at me. I'm runnin'! (Pants heavily; the camera gets ahead of him as he slows down.) Oh, no... (Thud; camera pans back to JAKE.) (Out of breath) Running... is... evil...
FINN: Come on, lazy bones!
JAKE: It's too hard!
FINN: I guess you could ride on my backpack.
JAKE: (Straining) I can't reach. (FINN bends backwards; JAKE grabs on to FINN's neck.) You good, FINN?
FINN: (Choking) You're... strangling me... a little, is all.
Scene transition to the River of Junk.
FINN: Look there! Across the River of Junk! There's an ideal mud puddle.
JAKE: I'll stretch into a boat! (Strains then farts) I'm startin' to really miss that old magic of mine.
FINN: We can swim this river easy! (Jumps into river) Come on, JAKE!
Swims across, leaving JAKE behind
JAKE: (To himself) Man, that looks exhausting.
A projection of JAKE's subconscious appears on a piece of furniture in the river.
SUBCONSCIOUS: You're right, JAKE. It is exhausting.
JAKE: (Gasp) What are you?!
SUBCONSCIOUS: I'm your subconscious!
JAKE: Okay, what are you doing here?
SUBCONSCIOUS: I'm here to tell you that what you're feeling deep down inside is true! It is way too hard to swim across the river. It's easier to wear a hat. (Handing JAKE a hat) Here! Have a hat!
JAKE: (Donning the hat) Ha ha!
SUBCONSCIOUS: Yeah-hea-hea-hea! Heh heh!
JAKE: Man, I'm glad I met you.
FINN: JAKE! Stop talking to yourself! Cross over already!
JAKE: Uh, I can't swim that river, dude. My subconscious says it's too hard. Check out this hat, though.
FINN: (Growls) What's wrong with that guy? (To JAKE) Then just wait for me there!
(FINN dives down and begins gathering various things. When he grabs a trash can lid, a large eye is uncovered and it opens. FINN re-surfaces and begins building something, mumbling to himself and visibly annoyed. "Ergh, stupid...")
JAKE: Whatcha workin' on, FINN? (FINN continues constructing a catapult from the junk, still mumbling angrily to himself. "... have to do everything!") Look at you! Doin' stuff! (FINN pulls down the catapult lever.) Oh, is it a chair? (JAKE gets on the platform.) A chair for my bu*t—? (FINN releases the lever, launching JAKE all the way to the other side of the river and into the mud puddle.) Mud-venture!
FINN: Did it work?!
JAKE: Oh, yeah! I can feel this workin'! In fact, you should roll in the mud with me, FINN! We can both be magic!
FINN: YEAAAAH! (Joins JAKE in the mud. They laugh and roll around in it.) This isn't working at all.
JAKE: This isn't the right mud. I was just really hopin' this was over and done.
FINN: (Sigh) Okay... Then let's just go find another mud puddle.
JAKE: Actually... I'm feeling kinda chubby-tired. Can't we do this tomorrow?
FINN: Agh! This is stupid! Just go back to the WITCH and apologize and get your powers back!
JAKE: Never! I'd rather be powerless forever then apologize! I'm lazy but prideful.
FINN: (Angrily) YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING, MAN! (Knocks JAKE's hat off) First, you won't run, (Stuttering) a-and now you keep—and... a-and no matter what, I ju—you...
JAKE: Adventuring is too much hard work for a bro without his powers.
FINN: But you are an adventurer.
JAKE: Nah, from now on, I'm just your regular old dog. ...Ironic given my current man-baby body.
(Something big emerges from the river; FINN and JAKE gasp. A giant pile of junk emerges and a giant living fish skeleton pops out of it.)
GARY: Behold the beautiful mermaid of the river. (FINN retches.) Which one of you mortals wants to mate with (Gesturing over her body) all this? Heh heh heh...
FINN: Oh, um... How do I say, "You're the grossest thing ever," without offending you?
GARY: RAAAAAARGH!!
(GARY angrily conjures up a fireball.)
JAKE: I'll scare her off, FINN! (Barks at her)
(GARY blasts them but they evade.)
FINN: How do we beat power like that?!
JAKE: FINN! I've got an idea!
FINN: What is it, buddy??
JAKE: Rub my belly! Yeah, I'm one of those kinda dogs.
FINN growls angrily.
FINN: (Charging GARY) YAAAAH!
GARY evades his attack and spits a black substance on him, knocking him out. GARY cackles.
JAKE: FINN? (GARY takes him to her nest.) FINN! Come on, FINN! You gotta save yourself! I'm just a dog! Aw, man. Oh, geez... Okay. Then I'm back on the team! (Attempts to climb tree) I'll save you!
FINN: JAKE? (Giant eggs around him are beginning to hatch.)
JAKE: Don't worry! (He fails to climb the tree.) Hey, FINN... Can you help me to get up there?
The HATCHLINGS hatch.
HATCHLINGS: Hungry! Hungry! Hungry!
JAKE: (Desperate noise) If only I had my powers back!
WITCH (In JAKE's memory): The only way I'll give back your powers is if—
JAKE: I know, I know! I have to apologize to that WITCH.
Scene transition to the WITCH's garden. The WITCH is planting a cupcake.
WITCH: (To cupcake) Oh, you're doing so well... and I hate you so much!!
JAKE: (At gate) Hey! (He's straining to get past the gate, but he's too fat.) WITCH! I need my powers back! So I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I ate your donut!
WITCH: Razzamafoo.
(JAKE appears in front of the WITCH.)
JAKE: (Straining sounds) ...Oh. (Stops straining) So do I get my powers back?!
WITCH: Mmm... Apology denied.
JAKE: What?! Why?!
WITCH: Because you took too long. Now you have to apologize while doing a variety of humiliating things.
JAKE: No way, Jose!
SUBCONSCIOUS: Come on, dude. It's the only way to save FINN.
WITCH: Who is that?!
JAKE: He's my subconscious.
WITCH: Then he has to do it too.
SUBCONSCIOUS: Aw...
Scene transition. JAKE is dancing with his subconscious with flowers in his underwear.
JAKE: I, JAKE the dog, while slow-dancing with my subconscious, with flowers in my underwear, do humbly apologize...
WITCH: (Starts shooting with video camera) Wait, wait. Start over.
JAKE: You're recording this?!
WITCH: It's for my newsletter.
JAKE: No way. I have my dignity.
WITCH: Then guess what, cool guy? You can forget about getting your powers back... EVER!!
JAKE: (To his subconscious) Oh, no, dude! What do we do now?
(His subconscious starts coughing and falls over.)
SUBCONSCIOUS: I'm dyin', JAKE.
JAKE: Wha?!
WITCH: Hm. He says he's dying. Let that be a lesson to all you cupcakes. (Trembles) Hah...
JAKE: Why are you dying, bro?
SUBCONSCIOUS: Because... I'm the subconscious of your old magical self. (Coughs) Goodbye, JAKE...
JAKE: No! No! (Starts crying)
WITCH: So I've finally broken you.
JAKE: Yeah! (Sobs) If only... I were a humbler guy, my subconscious would be alive, and my best bud wouldn't be trapped in a mermaid's nest!
WITCH: YES! GLOAT, GLOAT, GLOAT! Alright, I think you've learned your lesson. (Kindly) I forgive you.
JAKE regains his fur.
JAKE: (Magically stretching his arms) My powers! How can I ever thank— (Swipes her magic cane away) Ha! Got your cane!
WITCH: WHAAA! OOF! (Falls over) (JAKE grabs yet another donut and eats it. His subconscious, now well, gets on his back and they both flee.) But didn't you learn your lesson?!?
JAKE: NOPE!!! (He and his subconscious laugh.)
Scene transition back to the nest. FINN wakes up.
HATCHLINGS: Hungry! Hungry!
FINN screams.
GARY: Remember to save the brain for dessert.
The HATCHLINGS move towards FINN. FINN trembles in terror.
JAKE: Honey, I'm back! How about a big kiss? (JAKE kisses her with great force, knocking GARY back into the river.) (To HATCHLINGS, in a cutesy voice) You guys are so cute! I could just maul you to d**h!
The HATCHLINGS run away.
FINN: JAKE! (Hugs JAKE's face) I never should have doubted you!
JAKE: Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson: that in a crunch, there's nothin' I wouldn't do for ya.
FINN: Ahhh, so is that how you got your powers back? You apologized to the WITCH?
JAKE: Uh... (Sweats profusely) No way! I must have found the right... mud puddle! Yeah... I don't remember. Heh... (Blabbers lips with relief as the episode ends.)