MARY PATRICK: When I was still a school girl Standing just about yay high I saw the face of Jesus In a coconut cream pie Next morning, there was Mary In a bowl of special k And ten of twelve Apostles In the salad bar buffet Now frankly, I'm an eater And I polished of Saint Peter When my tummy sorta gave a little lurch And, I knew Beyond all question It was more than indigestion And that's how I got my calling to the church MARY PATRICK: MARY LAZARUS: My mother kicked the bucket In the flood of ‘38 A falling Steinway piano Sent my father to his fate All twenty of my siblings Caught the plague, by some odd chance And something in the meatloaf Got my uncles and my aunts The town I lived in bit it When a freak tornado hit it And the heartbreak took my dog to his reward And – I figured on reflection I could maybe use protection MARY LAZARUS/NUNS: And that's how I got my Calling to the lord! (how I got my Calling to the lord) MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS: Yes, that was how I got the calling! MARY LAZARUS: And it was bracing - MARY PATRICK: But enthralling! MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS: And I just knew I'd do as I was bid MARY PATRICK I'd be overfed - MARY LAZARUS: And I'd be obviously dead - MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS: So thank the Lord I got the calling when I did! MARY PATRICK: MARY LEZIN: The folks from ‘Jews for Jesus' Stuck a pamphlet in my purse MERY CECILIA: I heard a voice while playing ‘Sargeant Pepper' in reverse MARY PETROC: I prayed and then by goll My psoriasis was healed MARY ANTIOCH: People always told me That I looked like Sally Field MARY KATARI: I had a revelation When I skipped my medication MARY WILIGIS: The outfit just did wonders for my frame ALL NUNS: And, yes it may be odd To get a wake-up call from God But in the end, I got the calling, and I came (I got the calling and I came) And that was how I got the calling (La La La La La La) And gave my life an overhauling (La La La La) MARY ANTIOCH/MARY PETROC: And it was loud - MARY MIGUEL: And firm - MARY JOSEPHAT: And oh, so clear! ALL NUNS: Yes it's quite a jump MARY GENISIUS: But I'd be lost - MARY EMEBERT: Afraid - MARY PETROC: A frump! So thank the Lord I got the calling And I'm here! MARY PATRICK: MARY ROBERT: MARY PATRICK: MARY ROBERT: You see... I mean... it's kind of like, I – MARY PATRICK: Came here as a tot MARY ROBERT What I mean is... MARY PATRICK: Left here at the door MARY ROBERT: And I don't know if I'm... MARY PATRICK: ... supposed to be a nun - MARY ROBERT: Or - MARY PATRICK Not MARY ROBERT It's... MARY PATRICK: Hard to say, but after all That's what the call if for Me and... sister sledge... We had a ministry, I guess Uh, working at our lady of... Perpetual... excess... We'd go among the village... people... Everyday... well, night Lifting up the sinful And helping the uptight Then suddenly one day It was like, bang! And right away I saw the light And screamed "Sweet Jesus Christ" And such And... I asked to be secluded In this hellhole just like you did And that's how I got the calling Pretty much ALL NUNS: How she got the calling Pretty much And that's is how I got the calling ALL NUNS: It was sublime - And yet appalling! ALL NUNS: And it was oh, so right in all respects! Aahhhh... MARY MIGUEL: Sweet as mountain honey - MARY ADELARD: And as wild as summer lightening - MARY KATERI: And as warm as woollen mittens - MARY EMEBERT: And so fierce that it was frightening - MARY WILIGIS: And as bright as new-cut flowers - MARY LEZIN And as swift as April showers - And orgasmic as a night of sweaty s**! MARY PATRICK: If it never came - MARY LAZARUS: If all our lives were just the same - MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS: Well, heaven knows what might've Happened to us then... But we got the calling Thank the Lord we got the calling We're so glad you got the calling Amen!