[Gaston] When a man like me is thwarted And denied his honeymoon [Lefou] When the pretty thing he's courted Refuses to swoon [Gaston] Then the time has come for a murky plan [Lefou] For which he turns to a murky man [All] To find that fiend where better than At the Maison des Lunes? [Gaston] You'll be strapping up an inmate [Lefou] Very tightly [Gaston] Very soon But we won't bring him in late [Lefou] Your check-in time's noon [D'Arque] How sad Maurice is not too well [Gaston] Prepare a five-star padded cell! [All] And book him in for a long, long spell At the Maison des Lunes [Gaston] Do I make myself entirely clear? [Lefou] It's the simplest deal of your whole foul career [Gaston] Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments [Lefou] In a dreadful state [Gaston] She'll capitulate to me [D'Arque] Oh! Oh! Oh, I love incarceration I could lock up a platoon [Gaston] We'll apply your inclination To a mad old buffon [Gaston & Lefou] Then wave one bachelor goodbye [Gaston] She'll be my bride [Lefou] She'd rather die Than have her daddy ossify [D'Arque] The time's opportune [All] So book the church, raise gla**es high To the Maison des Lunes!