Akiva Schaffer - Rocky lyrics

Here's a little story that I think you'll like It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky One day me and all my friends were hangin' Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin' Then one friend says, "You know who's really tough? "Rocky, " (hit me home) "the boxer." Man I said, "Yeah I know him. What about him? " He said "He's really tough." "No way, man. I'm calling your bluff "I think that I can take him and, to prove my point "I'll challenge him in public." (Yeah, that's the joint!) So the very next day, stayed true to my word And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd "And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd! " I got kicked out, but the candle was lit Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit It made the headlines and I got the call It was Rocky ("Hey") and he wanted to brawl We negotiated terms and set the date Then I went into training to add some muscle weight While I punched on meat in a rickety shack He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye I talked some trash, we got pulled apart I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart Skip ahead, the big night was finally here My body was ripped and my mind was clear We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud Faced off once more in the center of the ring Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went [ding] He hit me with a left and shattered my face And a right sent my teeth all over the place Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, "Stop it! " But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids They yelled out, "More! " and Rocky obliged I had to think of some way to turn the tides So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might Took a swing, but he caught me with a s**er punch right Then a s**er punch left and a s**er punch right Then twenty-two consecutive s**er punch rights He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin The bone splinters shot right out of my skin People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports) The doctor came out and pronounced me dead And that was the night I fought Rocky