Airospace - Nothing lyrics

[Spoken Word Track] I've died once before And I'm pretty sure I'm dying again Using people as a crutch because god and heaven I can't depend I hate my tortured soul because myself I can't defend So playing victim is easier than taking a gun to bring another's end Looking for that finish because I want to end this I want to taste a sliver of happy before I miss my exit I was always afraid to speak to god late at night Somehow his fallen angels found me first, and they always showed me what was right *Laughs to himself* Psych What's a tortured soul to a molested child? Been stolen from since you first learned to walk a mile Saw herself a more then what was her oppresses lies Seeking truth in the dealing gods and ba*tards smile What is depression? Longing for a joy you'll never touch and if you reach your finger tips burn before you get close enough And what's love to a degraded boy covered in lust swimming his own way in the users and b**hes that just wanna f** Bombs outside the home, even closer still How you gunna hold your best friend, cover your head and steal at the same time? I'm trying to find myself amidst my brothers metal heart And my potential girlfriend's ex rapes stick was in marks This world isn't beautiful people just know how to hide Feeling oppression when you seek god even though he promised you're fine I guess I'm a hypocrite saying I'm never understood But I detest hood rat b**hes and gurkst from the hood Then again being with no family I could understand why we're no good When you can't call your mother 'mom' even in the times that you should Then when she's dying and dead mom's the first word that cuts your tongue And I wish I had a job but I'd be ready to die before I get one What's moving on to a sturdy building reinforced I wish my step mother forgave me for not going with her against my father in court I only refuse cause I wanted my father to love me but of course He has more kids and other families, and new wife f**ing who*e *Laughs* What makes that okay? I'm f**ing twenty years old and sick of being called gay It isn't easy to live with your childhood best friends bad traits I'm calling myself that because that's all I feel Even being attracted to women that moment haunts me still So f** everyone that'a never love me Since I probably will love you better than before god sealed my mothers deal f**ing hate everyone, f**ing hate everyone I'm a piece of sh** and I admit it And I contempt in drowning in the sickness I been born into and I'm going to forever live in it A collabine kid alienated and forgiven I'm sick of closeness I'm tired of being alone in my room full of ba*tards just like me f** this and f** you f** me too See this isn't a f**ing drug head jug head fallacy This is a f**ed up sick kids dream house fantasy Sex is overrated, family is overrated, life is overrated, I need to be liberated If there was a sick enough god who knew this sh** would happen But would still create the world it would happen in He should've had the balls to die just like we do Just for the life he made and for the sake of us, the angels and satan That k**ed that motherf**er, the moment he was misplaced in Lost and confused Dangled, choked, beaten and bruised I've gone through just as much as anyone of you