We interrupt this program with a special bulletin: America is now under martial law All constitutional rights have been suspended Stay in your homes Do not attempt to contact loved ones, insurance agents or attorneys Shut up Do not attempt to think or depression may occur Stay in your homes Curfew is at 7 PM sharp after work Anyone caught outside of gates of their surveillance sectors after curfew Will be shot Remain calm, do not panic Your neighborhood watch officer will be by to collect urine samples in the morning Anyone caught interfering with the collection of urine samples Will be shot Stay in your homes, remain calm The number one enemy of progress is question National security is more important than individual will All sports broadcasts will proceed as normal No more than two people may gather anywhere without permission Use only the d** prescribed by your boss or supervisor Shut up, be happy Obey all orders without question The comfort you demanded is now mandatory Be happy At last, everything is done for you