Don't smoke, don't fight, don't light no cigarettes Or else you'll wind up in the can no jokes, don't write, sit tight, don't fool around you are a guest of Uncle Sam stand up, look right, don't slouch and stand at ease Allow no s** above the knees When I snap, you jump into the master plan I'll be damned well, I'll be damned I'll be damned If I drink or smoke Damned, if I steal your jokes I'll be damned If I go for broke damned if I do damned if I don't Don't talk, don't fool, don't try to mess around I'll make a monkey out of you you sign your name right on the dotted line, boy I'll be damned I'll be damned if I drink or smoke damned If I steal your joke I'll be damned if I go for broke damned if I do I'm damned if I don't come on I'll be damned if I drink or smoke damned if I steal your joke I'll be damned if I go for broke I'm damned if I do I'm damned if I don't I'll be damned if I drink or smoke damned if I steal your joke I'll be damned If I go for broke I'm damned if I do I'm damned if I don't I'll be damned I'll be damned