Abbott And Costello - Who's On First? lyrics

Abbott: How do you how do you like my ball club Lou? Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game! Abbott: Well it should be. Costello: Hey, Abbott Abbott: What? Costello: I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team. Abbott: Why not? Costello: So you the manager? Abbott: I'm the manager! Costello: Well, you know, Id like to know some of the guys names on the team so when I meet em on the street or in the ballpark Ill be able to say, Hello, to those people. Abbott: Why sure Ill introduce you to the boys. They give em funny names though, Lou. Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names. Abbott: Well, lets see, on the team we have uh Whos on first, Whats on second, I Don't Know is on third Costello: Are you the manager? Abbott: Yes. Costello: You know the guys names? Abbott: I sure do. Costello: Then tell me the guys names. Abbott: I say, Whos on first, Whats on second, I Dont Knows on third and then you Costello: You the manager? Abbott: Yes. Costello: You know the guys names? Abbott: Im telling you their names! Costello: Well whos on first? Abbott: Yeah. Costello: Go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy playin first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who is on first! Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you! Abbott: Im not asking you, Im telling you. Costello: You aint tellin me nothin. Im askin you, whos on first? Abbott: Thats it! Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Who! Costello: The guy on first base. Abbott: Thats his name. Costello: Thats whose name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Thats the mans name! Costello: Thats whose name? Abbott: Yeah! Costello: Well go ahead and tell me! Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: What are you askin me for? Im askin you, whos on first? Abbott: Thats it. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Thats it. Costello: Whats the guys name on first? Abbott: No, Whats on second. Costello: Im not askin you whos on second! Abbott: Whos on first. Costello: Thats what Im askin you! Whos on first? Abbott: Now wait a minute. Dontdont change the players. Costello: Im not changin nobody! I asked you a simple question. Whats the guys name on first base? Abbott: Whats the guys name on second base. Costello: Im not askin you whos on second! Abbott: Whos on first. Costello: I dont know. Abbott: Hes on third. Now were not talking about him. Costello: Look, you got a first baseman? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Then tell me the fellas name playin first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy playin first. Abbott: Thats his name. Costello: WaitWhats the guys name on first base? Abbott: What is the guys name on second base! Costello: Whos playin second? Abbott: Whos playin first. Costello: I dont know. Abbott: Hes on third base. Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, dont you? Abbott: Yeah. Costello: Does he give you a receipt? Abbott: Sure. Costello: How does he sign the receipt? Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy that you give the money to. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy you give the money to. Abbott: Thats how he signs it. Costello: Thats how who signs it? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: Thats it. Costello: Thats who? Abbott: Yeah. Costello: When you give the guy the money, doesnt he have to sign the receipt? Abbott: He does! Costello: Well how does he sign his name? Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy you give the money to. Abbott: Thats how he signs it! Costello: You! YouYou just dont give money to someone without having em sign the receipt! Abbott: No! Who signs it. Costello: What are you askin me for? Abbott: Now calm down. Im not asking you, I am telling you. The Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Whats the guys name that signs the receipt on first base? Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt. Costello: Who signs his own receipt? Abbott: No, Who signs his. Costello: Im askin you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper Abbott: Yes, now wait Costello: he puts his name on it. Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it Costello: How Abbott: and what puts his name on it Costello: How does the fellas name on first base look to you when he signs his name? Abbott: Who. Costello: To you. Abbott: Thats how it does. Costello: How does it look to you? Abbott: Who! Costello: To you. Abbott: Who! Costello: To you. Abbott: Who! Look Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you? Abbott: Now thats how it looks. Who. Costello: How? Who? Abbott: Who. Costello: Im askin you. Whats the guys name on first base you give the money to? Abbott: Who! After all, the mans entitled to it Costello: Who is? Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Costello: Whose wife? Abbott: Yeah, sure. Costello: All Im tryin to find out is whats the guys name on first base Abbott: What is on second base. Costello: Im not askin you whos on second. Abbott: Whos on first. Costello: I dont know. Abbott: Hes third... Costello: Third base, I know. Abbott: Yeah. Costello: You got a outfield? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The left fielders name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I just thought Id ask you. Abbott: Well I just thought Id tell you. Costello: The left fielders name? Abbott: Why!? Costello: HmmBecause! Abbott: Oh, hes centerfield. Costello: Oh Abbott: Told you all these players got Costello: All Im tryin to figure out is whats the guys name in leftfield. Abbott: Now, Whats on second. Costello: Im not askin you whos on second. Abbott: Whos on first. Costello: I dont know Both: Third base. Costello: You got a pitcher on this team? Abbott: Wouldnt be a fine team without a pitcher. Costello: Whats his name? Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: You dont want to tell me today? Abbott: Im telling you. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow!? Costello: What time? Abbott: What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me whos pitching? Abbott: Now listen. Who is not Costello: Ill break your arm, you say whos on first! I want to know whats the pitchers name? Abbott: Whats on second. Costello: I dont know. Both: Third base! Costello: You got a catcher? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The catchers name? Abbott: Today. Costello: Today. You dont wanna tell me, tomorrow do you? Abbott: Im telling you. Costello: So the catchers name? Abbott: Today. Costello: Today. And Tomorrows pitching. Abbott: Now youve got it! Costello: Now Ive got it Abbott: Hey! Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team! Abbott: Well I cant help that. Costello: All right. You know now, Im a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and Tomorrows pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; Im gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now thats the first thing youve said right. Costello: I dont even know what Im talkin about! Abbott: Well thatsThats all you have Costello: Thats all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now whos got it? Abbott: Naturally. Now youve got it. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get the ball! Now whos got it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Naturally? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: No, no, no, no Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball andNat Abbott: You throw the ball to first base. Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: No! Costello: Naturally gets the ball andand Abbott: You throw the ball to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Thats what Im saying! Abbott: Youre not saying it Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: No you dont! Costello: I throw it to who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Thats what Im saying! Abbott: No it isnt. Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebodys gotta get it. Abbott: So Who gets it. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Thats it. Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Same as you! Abbott: Now listen Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base. Abbott: All right. Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. Abbott: Could be. Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Why? I don't know! Hes on third and I don't give a darn! Abbott: What'd you say? Costello: I said, I don't give a darn! Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!