Aaron Sorkin - Pilot lyrics

T ONE WAITER [VO] Two Absolut Martinis up; another Dewars rocks. FADE IN: INT. FOUR SEASONS HOTEL - GEORGETOWN - NIGHT SAM SEABORN is sitting with a reporter, BILLY KENWORTHY, in the bar. SAM SEABORN I don't think we're going to run the table, if that's what you're asking. BILLY KENWORTHY [OS] It's not. SAM I know. BILLY [OS] Deep background. I'm not going to come close to using your name. SAM [laughs] You're not going to come close to getting a quote, either. BILLY Why are we sitting here? SAM [taking a drink] You sat down. BILLY Is Josh on his way out? SAM No. BILLY Is he? SAM No. BILLY I know he's your friend. SAM He is. BILLY Did Caldwell say...? SAM Billy, I'm not talking about this. BILLY Who do I call? SAM No one. BILLY Just tell me who to call. SAM Well, you could call 1-800-BITE-ME. BILLY Sam. SAM He's not going anywhere, Billy. It's a non-story. BILLY Okay. You're lying now, aren't you? SAM That hurts, Billy. Why would I lie to a journalist of all people? BILLY Why do you keep looking over my shoulder? SAM Why? BILLY Yes. SAM 'Cause Alger Hiss just walked in with my secret pumpkin. BILLY What? SAM There's a woman over there. I think she's looking at me. BILLY Really? SAM I don't know. I never know if they're looking or not. Billy turns 180 degrees to see a woman sitting on a couch with a drink. She looks to see him obviously eying at her. Sam sighs. BILLY Yeah, I think she was. SAM I want to thank you for the casual way that you did that just now. She probably didn't notice that. Sam makes eye contact with the woman and smiles. CUT TO: EXT. DAWN RISING OVER LARGE TUDOR STYLE HOUSE - DAY CUT TO: INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS LEO McGARRY is doing a crossword puzzle while eating breakfast. A television is turned on to the news. LEO McGARRY 17 across is wrong. It's just wrong. Do you believe that Ruth? RUTH You should call them. LEO I will call them. WOMAN [OS] Telephone, Leo. LEO I'm in the shower. WOMAN [OS] It's POTUS. LEO [sits down and picks up the phone] Yeah. CUT TO: INT. HEALTH CLUB - DAY C.J. CREGG is running on a treadmill while talking to the man using the treadmill next to her. C.J. CREGG You can have a normal life. You'd be amazed at how normal I can be. See, it's all about budgeting your time. This time, this hour, this is my time. Five a.m. to six a.m. I can workout, as you see. I can think about personal matters. I can meet an interesting man. [Her beeper goes off.] The trick is... MAN Your beeper's going. C.J. What? MAN I think your beeper is going. C.J. checks her beeper while still running on the treadmill. What she finds on her beeper is distracting, however, and she falls off the machine. CUT TO: INT. JOSH LYMAN'S OFFICE - DARK In the dark office, JOSH LYMAN is asleep at his cluttered desk as a custodian vacuums the floor. His beeper goes off, waking him up. He checks his beeper, then picks up the phone and quickly dials. JOSH Yeah. This is Josh Lyman. What's going on? CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE CABIN - DARK The shades are drawn and many of the pa**engers are sleeping, except TOBY ZIEGLER, who is busy typing on his laptop. FLIGHT ATTENDANT 1 [VO] We ask at this time that you turn off all electronic devices, stow your tray tables and return your setbacks to the full and upright position. We will be landing shortly at Washington-Dulles Airport. FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2 [approaches Toby] Sir, I need you to turn off your computer. TOBY ZIEGLER I'm just about done. FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2 I need you to turn off your laptop, sir. It interferes with our navigational systems. TOBY You know when you guys say that, it sounds ridiculous to most people, right? FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2 Sir... Another Flight Attendant approaches. FLIGHT ATTENDANT 3 Mr. Ziegler? A message was just patched up to the co*kpit for you. I'm not sure I've got it right. POTUS in a bicycle accident? TOBY [stops typing and looks up] You got it right. [reaches for his cell phone] FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2 You can't use your phone until we land, sir. TOBY We're flying in a Lockheed eagle series L-1011. It came off the line 20 months ago and carries a Sim-5 Transponder tracking system. Are you telling me I can still flummox this thing with something I bought at Radio Shack? FLIGHT ATTENDANT 2 You can call when we land, sir. TOBY [calling as she walks away] Also, I never got my peanuts. CUT TO: INT. A BEDROOM - DAY Lying on the bed is the woman in the bar. Her name is LAURIE. She is lying on the bed smoking pot. LAURIE How ya doing, Sam? SAM [OS] Let me tell you something. The water pressure in here is really impressive. LAURIE I know. SAM [walking out of the bathroom, having taken a shower] You could run hydraulics in here. LAURIE Want some? [referring to pot] SAM I'm fine. LAURIE I'm wasted. SAM And probably free of cataracts. LAURIE I get that. That's funny. SAM Thank you. LAURIE Oh, wait. I'm sorry. Your message -- your pager went off while you were in the shower. I hit the bu*ton because I thought it was mine. Sam reads the beeper, while Laurie recites the message. LAURIE 'POTUS in a bicycle accident. Come to the office.' Sam rushes to get dressed. LAURIE [cont.] I memorized it just in case I erased it on accident. [looks at both her and Sam's pager, comparing them] These things look exactly alike. Anyway, like I said, I'm totally baked. But um -- no, it's not like I'm a drug person. I just love pot. SAM [slightly preoccupied] Um, Laurie, I to have to go. LAURIE You're kidding me. It's five thirty in the morning. SAM I know this doesn't look good. LAURIE Not that good. No. SAM You know what? I really like you. And if you give me your number, I'd like to call you. LAURIE Stay right here and save yourself a call. SAM It's not that I don't see the logic in that, but I really gotta go. LAURIE 'Cause POTUS was in a bicycle accident? SAM Yup. LAURIE [writes her number on a piece of paper, grabs one of the beepers and puts them in Sam's shirt pocket, while giving him a kiss] Tell your friend, POTUS, he's got a funny name. And he should learn how to ride a bicycle. SAM I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss; and it's not his name, it's his title. LAURIE POTUS? SAM President of the United States. I'll call you. CUT TO: INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NORTHWEST LOBBY - DAY Leo walks past several security checks and continues down the hallway. He pa**es a security officer, Mike, who is sitting behind a desk. MIKE It's a nice morning, Mr. McGarry. LEO We'll take care of that in a hurry. Won't we, Mike? MIKE Yes, sir. BONNIE Don't k** the messenger, Leo. [hands him some papers] LEO Oh, why the hell not, Bonnie? BONNIE Five minutes. LEO Please. [continues through JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA] Hey, Emma. EMMA Morning. LEO Wilson. WILSON Hey, Leo. LEO Joe. JEFFREY It's Jeffrey. LEO Whatever. He winds up at the desk of DONNA MOSS. LEO [calls] Josh! DONNA MOSS Morning, Leo. LEO Hey, Donna. Is he in yet? DONNA [stirring her coffee] Yeah. LEO Can you get him? DONNA [yells] Josh! LEO Thanks. DONNA I heard it's broken. LEO You heard wrong. DONNA I heard-- LEO It's a mild sprain. He'll be back later today. DONNA And what was the cause of the accident? LEO What are you, from State Farm? Go. Do a job, would ya? DONNA I'm just... LEO He was swerving to avoid a tree. DONNA And what happened? LEO He was unsuccessful. Leo walks into JOSH'S OFFICE. JOSH [talking on the phone] Yeah. That's fine. Just don't do anything until Justice. Okay, bye. [hangs up the phone] Hey. LEO How many Cubans, exactly, have crammed themselves into these fishing boats? JOSH It's important to understand, Leo, that by and large, these aren't fishing boats. You hear fishing boats, you conjure an image of -- well, of a boat, first of all. What the Cubans are on would charitably be described as rafts. Okay? They're making the hop from Havana to Miami in fruit baskets, basically. Let's just be clear on that. LEO We are. JOSH Donna's desk, if it could float, would look good to them right now. LEO I get it. How many are there? JOSH We don't know. LEO What time, exactly, did they leave? JOSH We don't know. LEO Do we know when they get here? JOSH No. LEO True or False: If I were to stand on high ground in Key West with a good pair of binoculars, I would be as informed as I am right now. JOSH That's true. LEO The intelligence budget's money well spent, isn't it? They begin to walk through the busy HALLWAY continuing their conversation. JOSH Tell them to send the Coast Guard, Leo. LEO The Coast Guard won't... JOSH I understand! But, they're never going to make it to our territorial waters. LEO Thank you. JOSH What if the D.A. suspected they had d**? LEO Does the D.A. suspect they have d**? JOSH We could make a phone call. LEO Josh! JOSH If the D.A. or Navy Intel thought the Cubans were bringing in d**, wouldn't we have to go out there and search those rafts with, you know, guns and blankets? LEO You look like hell. You know that, don't you? JOSH Yes. I do. Listen, Leo. Did he say anything? LEO Did he say anything?! The President's pissed as hell at you, Josh. And so am I. JOSH [sighs] I know. LEO You gotta work with these people. And where the hell do you get off strutting your... They are walking through the ROOSEVELT ROOM. JOSH I know. LEO Al Caldwell is a good man. JOSH Al Caldwell wasn't there. LEO I'm saying, you take everyone on the Christian Right, dump them into one big pile, and label them 'stupid'. We need these people. JOSH We do not need these people. LEO Josh. JOSH We need Al Caldwell. We want Al Caldwell. We do not need John Van Dyke. And we do not need Mary Marsh. LEO And I think there shouldn't be instant replay in football, but that' s not my call, now, is it? JOSH [stops walking, while Leo continues on] It was stupid. LEO Damn straight. JOSH I was right, though. LEO [talking to himself] Like I don't know that. Leo walks into the OUTER OVAL OFFICE where MRS. LANDINGHAM stands up from her desk. MRS. LANDINGHAM Oh, Mr. McGarry. Have they done an X-Ray? LEO Yup. MRS. LANDINGHAM Is anything broken? LEO A $4,000 Lynex Titanium touring bike that I swore I'd never lend anyone. MRS. LANDINGHAM [following Leo into the OVAL OFFICE] I don't understand. How did he...? LEO He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham. Your President's a geek. MRS. LANDINGHAM Mr. McGarry, you know how I feel about that kind of talk in the Oval Office. LEO I apologize. MRS. LANDINGHAM Just in this room, Mr. McGarry. That's all I'm asking. LEO Yes. [walks out of the Oval Office and sees Bonnie] Oh, Bonnie. Call O.E.O.B. and set up a briefing for the Vice President. Let's coordinate with Katie Simon's office on the appointments. BONNIE Should I get everybody in? LEO Yeah! [He walks into his office.] Margaret. Please call the editor of the New York Times crossword and tell him that 'Khaddafi' is spelled with an h, and two d's, and isn't a seven letter word for anything. MARGARET Is this for real? Or is this just funny? LEO Apparently, it's neither. LEO'S OFFICE. The senior staff is beginning to gather. Several secretaries and a**istants wonder in and out of the office. C.J. Is there anything I can say, other than the President rode his bicycle into a tree? LEO He hopes never to do it again. C.J. Seriously. They're laughing pretty hard. LEO He rode his bicycle into a tree, C.J.. What do you want me to -- 'The President, while riding a bicycle on his vacation in Jackson Hole, came to a sudden arboreal stop' -- What do you want from me? C.J. A little love, Leo. LEO [to Sam] What do you know about the Cubans? SAM I don't know anymore than Josh. Somewhere between 1200 and 2000 Cubans began embarking from a fishing village 30 miles South of Havana. STAFFER Where are they headed? JOSH Vegas. SAM Miami. Though, it's not clear how sophisticated their navigation equipment is. JOSH Navigational equipment? That way is North, I think is pretty... C.J. Josh. JOSH C.J., if one of these guys could throw a split fingered fastball, we'd send in the USS Eisenhower. C.J. That's not entirely true. TOBY Oh, for God's sake. Forget about the journey. Okay? The voyage is not our problem. C.J. What's our problem? TOBY What to do when the Nina, the Pinta, and the Get-Me-The-Hell-Outta-Here hit Miami. LEO Sam? SAM Can't send them back. They'll go to jail, if they're lucky. TOBY We'll get whacked in what? At least... SAM Three congressional districts. Dade County. TOBY Those seats are gone. JOSH Not to mention the fact that it's wrong. SAM Plus that. JOSH What about Texas? SAM I wouldn't worry about it. LEO Keep Josh in the loop on this throughout the day. SAM Me? LEO Yeah. SAM The thing is, my day is a little tight... TOBY Deal with it. SAM And I'm happy to. It's just that... LEO Sam. SAM I'm just saying, isn't this more of a military area? The room goes silent as everyone digests Sam's argument in shock. LEO Military? SAM Yeah. TOBY You think the United States is under attack from 1200 Cubans in rowboats? SAM I'm not saying I don't like our chances. TOBY Mind-boggling to me that we ever won an election. LEO Pat Thomas wants to call up the Guard. JOSH He shouldn't. SAM He's right. C.J. You send in the Guard, you create a panic situation. TOBY I agree with Josh. And I agree with C.J.. And I agree with Sam. And you know how that makes me crazy. LEO Yeah... TOBY They're running for their lives. You don't have to start a game of Red Rover with Castro. But you don't send in the National Guard. You send food and you send doctors. JOSH Sam, see that I.N.S. is working with the Red Cross and the Centers for Disease Control. SAM I've got my guy from CDC on the phone right... LEO Go. Talk to him. SAM Talk to him. [leaves] LEO Moving on. Let's talk about Josh. CUT TO: INT. PRESS ROOM - DAY Reporters are milling about. Billy is talking to a female reporter. BILLY Al Caldwell scares the hell out of the President, and Josh knows it. WOMAN He's not going to fire him. BILLY He's got no choice. WOMAN Billy, the President's not going to fire Josh Lyman. BILLY He doesn't have a choice. Buzzer sounds to announce the start of a press briefing. They start to walk to the Briefing Room. BILLY [continuing] Listen, I had drinks with Sam Seaborn last night. WOMAN And Sam said that the President was going to fire Josh? BILLY He needs these people. He's going to have to give them Josh. C.J. [walks to the podium and begins to address The White House Press Corps] Folks? Folks? WOMAN Billy, what do you think if he just-- BILLY He doesn't have a choice. C.J. Good morning. Dr. Randall Haymen, H-A-Y-M-E-N, chief of orthopedics at St. John's Hospital has diagnosed the President with a mild sprain in his left ankle sustained while cycling into a large cyprus tree. The Press Corps laughs. C.J. Details can be found in the full report that Linda and Susanne are distributing. Along with pool photographs of the President resisting help from a Secret Service agent, then falling down again. By all means, enjoy yourselves. Item number two. CHRIS C.J., has the President...? C.J. It's a light day, Chris. Let's just get through this, then I'll take a couple questions. Item number two, the Association of Retired... CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S OFFICE - DAY All of the lights are out. Josh flips on a television and starts a video tape. It is of a round table discussion show called 'Capitol Beat.' On the show, Josh is sitting next to MARY MARSH. JOSH [on video] --none of your business. Look, if 38 states... MARY [on video] No. Well, I can tell you that you don't believe in any God I pray to, Mr. Lyman. Not any God I pray to. JOSH [on video] Lady, the God you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud. [rewinds the tape back] MARY [on video] I can tell you that you don't believe in any God I pray to, Mr. Lyman. Not any God I pray to. JOSH [on video] Lady, the God you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud. [rewinds again] Lady, the God you pray to is too busy being indicted- DONNA [enters the office, holding a coffee mug] You shouldn't have worn that tie on television. It bleeds. JOSH I don't think it was the tie that got me in trouble. DONNA No, but I've told you a zillion times. JOSH What's that? DONNA It's coffee. JOSH Thought so. DONNA I brought you some coffee. JOSH What's going on, Donna? DONNA Nothing's going on. JOSH Donna. DONNA I brought you some coffee. JOSH Close the door. [Donna sets the coffee on his desk and closes the door.] Donnatella Moss, when did you start working for me? DONNA Um, during the campaign. JOSH And how long have you been my a**istant? DONNA A year and a half. JOSH And when was the last time you brought me a cup of coffee? [beat] It was never. You've never brought me a cup of coffee. DONNA Well, if you're going to make a big deal out of it... JOSH Donna. If I get fired, I get fired. DONNA Do you think he's going to do it? JOSH [beat] No. A knock on the door. TOBY [OS] It's Toby. DONNA You won that election for him. You, and Leo, and C.J., and Sam. More knocks on the door. TOBY [OS] Open the damn door. DONNA [whispering] And him. [opens the door to reveal Toby and walks out of the office] JOSH Thanks for the coffee. DONNA You're welcome. TOBY Donna brought you coffee? DONNA [OS] Shut up. JOSH 'Sup? TOBY [shutting the door] What did I tell you before you went on the air yesterday? JOSH You said, 'don't get cute with Mary Marsh.' TOBY I said, 'don't get cute with Mary Marsh.' I said Al Caldwell is not to be treated like some revival tent clown. JOSH Al Caldwell wasn't there. TOBY He sure as hell was watching. JOSH Look, I already took Leo's morning beating. What do you want? TOBY I want you to keep your job. JOSH [beat] How? TOBY I'm going to make a suggestion, which might help you out. But I don't want this gesture to be mistaken for an indication that I like you. JOSH I understand. TOBY In preparation for the Sunday morning radio address on family values... JOSH When did that get on the schedule? TOBY Listen to me for a second... JOSH When did it get on the schedule? TOBY It's the regular Sunday morning... JOSH [raising his voice] Yeah, but when did we schedule family values? TOBY We scheduled it, Josh, after your smug, taunting, you know, calamitous performance on 'Capitol Beat.' [beat] America for better families. The AAF and Al Caldwell. Mary Marsh. I've invited them all for coffee this afternoon, along with a couple of speechwriters to talk about... JOSH What they want to hear. TOBY Yes. Yes, sir. JOSH If you listen carefully, you can hear two centuries of Presidents rolling over in their graves. TOBY Come to the meeting. JOSH No! TOBY Come to the meeting and be nice. JOSH Why? TOBY So C.J. can put it in the papers... JOSH [raising his voice] Al Caldwell is friends with bad people! I think he should say so for the common good. Screw politics! How about that? TOBY [raising his voice] You don't run social policy for this government. How 'bout that! JOSH Toby! TOBY I'm in charge of the message around here. It's my job to tell the President that the best thing he could do, from a PR standpoint, is to show you the door. [beat] Come to the meeting. Be nice. Keep your job. JOSH [softly] I'll be there. TOBY [remembering] Oh, take a look at this. [hands Josh a newspaper clipping] JOSH What's that? TOBY One of the kids from the newsroom clipped that from the Journal this morning. Guess who's leaving Lennox-Chase to start consulting in town? She's leasing offices downtown. She starts today. JOSH Who's she working for? TOBY [smiles] I'm checking it out. Toby leaves the office as Josh sits down, still looking at the newspaper clipping. JOSH [to himself] That's a good picture of her. FADE OUT. END ACT ONE * * * ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT. WASHINGTON STREET - DAY MANDY HAMPTON is driving a silver convertible very fast, while talking on her cell phone. MANDY [on the phone] Bruce? Bruce? Bruce! I may have just gotten back into the business this morning, but I didn't come by way of a turnip truck, you know what I'm saying? [pause] You jerk me around on this, and I'm going to get cranky right in your face. Now, I was your source on 443. Big, fat byline. Above the fold. So, I think it's time to play 'What have you done for me lately.' Look, I don't want to hear you're going to try, Bruce. This isn't gym cla**. A police officer on motorcycle watches Mandy run a red light and follows her, his siren blaring. MANDY [on the phone] I said, gym cla**. Gym cla**! [pulls her car to the side of the road and stops, still talking to Bruce.] Bruce, Bruce! 'Cause it's important in gym to try, but it is not necessarily- Look, Bruce. It was a simple metaphor. Now listen up! Now, you're misinterpreting me and you're misinterpreting the Senator. And it's bush league for the party. And it's beneath even you're newspaper. POLICE OFFICER [approaches] You know you ran a red light back there. MANDY [turns away, still on the phone] Come on. Bruce, please. You huckling me out, I just wanna make you cry like a girl. POLICE OFFICER Put the phone down, please! MANDY Listen, I'm under arrest. I'm going to have to call you back, Bruce. CUT TO: INT. ROOSEVELT ROOM- DAY Leo is meeting with economic advisors. FRED A two and a half percent in the third quarter at the end of the fiscal year. LEO That's fine, but the President's gonna look at the WBO revenue an*lysis and say that economists were put on this planet to make astrologers look good. Josh walks into the room as several people in the room laugh. FRED Leo... LEO Luther. Ballpark. One year from today. Where's the Dow? LUTHER Tremendous. Up a thousand. LEO Fred. One year from today. FRED Not good. Down a thousand. LEO A year from today at least one of you is gonna look pretty stupid. LUTHER Can we go now? LEO Oh, go. Get out. [The economists all leave.] SAM [walks in] There's a storm system moving into the South Florida area. LEO See, with any luck the Cubans'll turn around and live to defect another day. JOSH Yeah, 'cause they're probably all tuned to the National Weather Service, but that's not what I'm here for. LEO What's on your mind? JOSH We've gotta look at the whole field for a minute, 'cause I think we're about to get tagged. LEO With regard to what? JOSH Re-election. LEO Oh, we're not there. JOSH Don't let Lloyd Russell push us around on Medicare or medium range missiles. LEO You're taking Lloyd Russell too seriously. SAM His numbers are starting to get interesting. JOSH Hollywood likes him. He can raise money. LEO We're not there yet. JOSH 30 second hypothetical: You're Lloyd Russell, newly crowned prince of the White suburban woman, the upper middle cla** Black man and teacher's union. You're no friend to the sitting President. What do you do? LEO Put together an exploratory committee. JOSH And who do you get to run it? LEO You. JOSH I already got a job. LEO For the moment. JOSH Who do you get? LEO Well, if I could get Mandy to leave 900,000 a year at Lennox-Chase, I'd get Mandy. JOSH You'd be smart. LEO [to Sam] Hey, come to think of it, you think she'd be interested in his job? JOSH You're in luck. LEO She's in town? JOSH Just got here today. LEO What she doing? JOSH Working for Lloyd Russell. LEO [digests the new information then calls] Margaret! Get me Senator Russell's office on the phone. Josh and Sam stand in the doorway and watch Leo leave. SAM Is that the same suit you wore yesterday? JOSH Yeah. [beat] You? SAM Yeah. CUT TO: INT. DINER - DAY At the bar, two female college students are gazing over at a table off screen. STUDENT 1 I think it's him. STUDENT 2 It is. STUDENT 1 Okay. I'm going over there. The two students grab a magazine from their table as we follow them over to where Josh and Mandy are sitting. STUDENT 2 Excuse me. STUDENT 1 We're sorry to interrupt your lunch... STUDENT 2 We're juniors at Florida State... STUDENT 1 We're with this poly-sci group... STUDENT 2 Anyway... STUDENT 1 Anyway, we just wanted to say that we think you're excellent, and could we have your autograph. [hands Josh a magazine, which he takes and starts to sign] JOSH Sure. [nodding over with his head as he writes] This is Mandy Hampton. She's excellent, too. STUDENT 1 From the campaign? STUDENT 2 Didn't you two used to be a thing? STUDENT 1 Jennifer! STUDENT 2 Sorry. JOSH She used to steal money from me. STUDENT 1 Really? JOSH Yeah. Thanks a lot for stopping by. STUDENTS Thanks. JOSH Sure. STUDENTS Bye. JOSH See ya. [The students leave.] MANDY Listen. You called me. What do you wanna know? Is Lloyd gonna run? JOSH I really don't care one way or the other. He's a lightweight. I just... MANDY You don't like him. JOSH Not when I can't use him. No. I just wanna know how much trouble he's gonna be on the budget surplus. MANDY You should get to know him. JOSH I have enough friends. MANDY Not these days you don't. JOSH Please, Mandy. It's not like these people were in our camp to begin with. MANDY That's right, Josh, and they've been waiting for you to trip over your mouth and you handed it to them. It's Christmas morning for Mary Marsh. [pause] You're a Fulbright Scholar, are you honestly the only adult in America who doesn't think you're about to be fired? Do what Toby's telling you to do. JOSH Did you just call him Lloyd? MANDY Who? JOSH Senator Russell. MANDY When? JOSH A minute ago. You said "What do you wanna know? Is-is Lloyd gonna run"? MANDY I don't remember. What does it...? JOSH It's unusual for you that you would call a Senator by his first name to a third party. MANDY A third party? JOSH You know what I'm saying. MANDY No, but as long as one of us does... JOSH You're dating Lloyd Russell. MANDY Yes. JOSH [pause] Wow. That's great. MANDY Are you gonna freak out? JOSH No, no, no. Not at all. It's just -- I always thought he was gay. MANDY No you didn't. JOSH I did. MANDY He's not gay. JOSH You sure? MANDY Very sure. JOSH He always seemed effeminate to me. MANDY He happens to be very athletic. Plenty masculine. JOSH I think he's a woman. MANDY Josh, take me seriously. JOSH I do. MANDY The New York Times is gonna release a poll in the next few days that brings your unfavorables up to 48%. JOSH This is the first I'm hearing of it. MANDY You'll have it in about an hour. JOSH Where'd you get this? MANDY We don't play for the same team anymore. JOSH Wait a minute. One minute you're giving me career advice, the next minute you're telling me we don't play for... MANDY I'm here for a while. And I want you at your fighting weight when I start b**h-slapping you guys around the beltway. [They start to eat.] JOSH You and Lloyd Russell, huh? MANDY Yeah. CUT TO: INT. LEO'S OFFICE - DAY LEO [on the phone] Seventeen across. Yes. Seventeen across is wrong. You're spelling his name wrong. What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I'm just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you, that I've met with the man twice, and I've recommended a preemptive Exocet Missile attack against his airforce. So, I think I know how to... C.J. [waves to Margaret and walks in] Leo! LEO [he looks at the phone, then hangs up] They hang up on me. Every time. C.J. That's almost hard to believe. LEO What do you need? C.J. Nightline wants someone for the East Asia... LEO Send Naomi. What else? C.J. There might be a press leak on A3-C3. LEO That was Hutchison. What else? C.J. Leo? LEO Please don't ask me about Josh. C.J. I was going to ask... LEO I honestly don't know anything. C.J. You know the President. LEO So do you. C.J. You know him better. LEO I've known him forty years, C.J. And all I can promise you is that on any given day there's really no predicting what he's going to choose to care about. C.J. Yeah. LEO I'm sorry, I'm late. [leaves] CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY Sam is walking along the corridor with his lunch tray, being followed by two communications staffers, LARRY and ED. LARRY You can't use those stats. SAM The a**ault stats. LARRY The a**ault stats are wrong. SAM We got them from your office. ED And we got them from HUD. SAM And they're wrong? ED Even if they were right, don't use 'em. SAM Well, A. Let's make 'em right, and B. why can't I use 'em? ED The 76 year old grandmother. LARRY Every time we use those a**ault stats, Carr and Gilmore come back... SAM Who's the 76 year old-- LARRY Every day, 17,000 Americans defend themselves with a gun-- SAM That's flat-out not true. ED --including a 76 year old grandmother in Chicago, who defended herself against an intruder in the middle of the night. LARRY Just don't use the stats. SAM The 76 year old grandmother doesn't defend herself with a modified AK-47 Assault Rifle, Larry. Unless she's defending herself against Turkish rebels. Sam's a**istant, CATHY, approaches. CATHY Excuse me. SAM Oh, you guys know my a**istant Cathy? LARRY We've talked a lot on the phone. CATHY Yeah, hi. [to Sam] I need you for just a second. SAM Ah, right. [to Ed and Larry] Call me at the end of the day. [walks with Cathy CATHY Leo's wife called. SAM That woman hates me. CATHY Yes. SAM What'd I do? CATHY You tried to hit on her at party fundraiser. SAM Yes. I meant recently. I meant why did she call. CATHY She wants you to... SAM For the hundredth time, I didn't know who she was, and how long am I gonna be crucified for that? CATHY Well a little while longer anyway, 'cause... SAM Most women, I would think, would be flattered that... CATHY Yeah, I think Leo was especially touched that you... SAM What'd she want? CATHY She was supposed to give a tour to some students from her daughter's fourth grade cla**. She can't make it and she wants you to do it. SAM I can't. They walk in the COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE. CATHY You have to. They wrote essays. SAM No really, I can't. I'm not a good tour guide. I don't know anything about the White House. [his pager goes off] CATHY You wanna call Mrs. McGarry and tell her that? SAM [looking at his pager] Oh God, please let this be a national emergency. Sam picks up a phone and punches in a number off his pager. A woman answers. WOMAN [VO] Cashmere Escorts. SAM [on the phone] Hi. You paged me? WOMAN [VO] Who is this? SAM [on the phone] This is Sam Seaborn. WOMAN [VO] I'm sorry. There's been a mistake. SAM [on the phone] Who's this? WOMAN [VO] Cashmere Escort Service. SAM [on the phone, confused] Okey-doke. [hangs up, to Cathy] Page me. CATHY Where are you going? SAM I'm standing right here. Page me and punch in my number. Cathy does. Sam watches his pager. Nothing. CATHY You switched pagers with someone. SAM A woman's about to call me. She's not gonna know why. Put her through. [goes into his office and closes the door. He shuts the door and sits at his desk, waiting for the phone to ring, which it soon does]Hello? LAURIE [VO] Hello? You paged me? SAM [on the phone] Laurie? LAURIE [VO] Who's this? SAM [on the phone] It's Sam. LAURIE [VO] Hi. SAM [on the phone] Sam Seaborn. LAURIE [VO] Yeah. You called me. SAM [on the phone] Yeah, ah, actually you called me. And that's because you have my pager. And I have yours. LAURIE [VO] Oh. SAM [on the phone] Yeah. Look, listen, can I come by and see you real quick? LAURIE [VO] Yeah. SAM [on the phone] Thanks... Good... Okay. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - DAY A few reporters are waiting around for C.J., who enters the hallway. Billy is talking to another reporter. BILLY I'm holding four column inches above the fold. REPORTER You're going to be wrong. BILLY I've got Al Caldwell, Mary Marsh... C.J. Guys, I don't have a lot of time to answer questions right now. CHRIS C.J., has-- C.J. But that shouldn't stop you from asking them anyway. Chris? CHRIS Has the President had any reaction to Josh on the show? C.J. None that I'm aware of. CHRIS Do you know-- C.J. Seriously, that's it. I'll get you wheels down time when I've got it. [continues to wall through the hallway and is intercepted by Toby] TOBY They're picking up the scent. C.J. Billy is. The rest of 'em are picking up Billy's scent. TOBY Josh is gonna come to the coffee. C.J. Keep him cool. FADE OUT. END ACT TWO * * * ACT THREE FADE IN: EXT. PENNSYLVANIA AVE. IN FRONT OF THE WHITE HOUSE - DAY Leo and AL CALDWELL are walking and are in the middle of a conversation. LEO President's a deeply religious man, Reverend. I don't need to tell you that. CALDWELL No. LEO He's worked with the Southern Baptist Leadership Conference. He's worked with the Catholic Relief... CALDWELL He's spoken at my church. LEO Yes, he has. He also spent eight months traveling around the country discouraging young women from having abortions. CALDWELL Oh, hang on. He never said anything... LEO He doesn't believe that it's the government's place to legislate this issue. But that has not stopped him from playing his role as a moral leader. Something which cost him dearly in the campaign and you know that. CALDWELL Why does he insist on demonizing us as a group? LEO Because your group has plenty of demons. CALDWELL [snorts] Every group has plenty of demons. LEO You don't have to tell me about it, Reverend. I'm a member of the Democratic Party. CALDWELL Why does the White House suddenly talk like everyone in the Christian Right is the same? LEO Forgive me, Al. But when you stand that close to Mary Marsh and John Van Dyke, it's sometimes hard not to paint you all with the same brush. CALDWELL We need John and Mary for political muscle. LEO I don't think you do, but I recognize you're in a tough spot. CALDWELL I'm not looking for a holy war, Leo. LEO Oh, I know you're not, Al. And I think that you and I can keep this from escalating beyond the petulant woman being angry about getting her hair a little messed up on T.V. CALDWELL And there you go again. [They stop walking to face one another.] LEO What? CALDWELL It was not a little deal. LEO No one's saying... CALDWELL And I want to make sure -- of nothing else, I want to make sure that you're taking me seriously. LEO You don't think we're taking this seriously? 24 hours ago, the President ordered me to fire Josh Lyman. I've been trying to talk him down from it ever since. He's getting off the plane in ten minutes. It's 6 to 5 at pickin' whether Josh still has a job. Now, I don't know how much more seriously we can take it. CALDWELL Well, that's regrettable. LEO Yes, it is. [They start walking again.] Anyway, I'm glad Toby organized your meeting this afternoon. CALDWELL So am I. CUT TO: INT. LAURIE'S APARTMENT - DAY Laurie, in jeans in a sweatshirt, answers the knocking at the door. Sam is standing there in his overcoat. SAM Hi. LAURIE Hi. SAM Can I come in? LAURIE Sure. [lets Sam in] SAM [walks down the long hallway in her apartment] This is a nice apartment. LAURIE You saw it last night. SAM Yeah, and I really like it. LAURIE Thanks. SAM It makes very good use of space. LAURIE [grabbing the pager off her couch] Thanks. SAM The way the ladle hangs from the pegboard. LAURIE The ladle didn't actually come with the apartment. It's mine. SAM Right. LAURIE Yeah. SAM Um, can I ask you something? LAURIE Am I a hooker? SAM No. No. What I was gonna say is this: Is it possible, that in addition to being a law student and part-time bartender, that you are what I'm certain would have to be a very high-priced call girl. I, by the way, making no judgments. The thing is, with my job-- LAURIE Yes. SAM Yes? LAURIE Yeah, I'm sorry. I should've told you. I wanted you to like me. SAM I do. I gotta go. [waits a moment then walks to the door] LAURIE Sam? SAM Yeah? LAURIE My pager. SAM Oh, right. [exchanges pagers] LAURIE Thanks. SAM Listen, I don't know how often you get up... LAURIE Sam. Go. You don't know who I am. SAM It's just that there are people who'd pay a lot of money for... LAURIE I know. Go. It's okay. Sam turns and goes. CUT TO: INT. WEST WING HALLWAY - DAY A group of visitors, AL CALDWELL, MARY MARSH, JOHN VAN DYKE and several of their a**istants and staff people are following C.J.'s a**istant, CAROL, who leads them to a room. CAROL Reverend Caldwell, if you all would just step in here. The group goes into the mural room as Cathy pa**es by and looks into the ROOSEVELT ROOM. Several nine-year-olds are waiting patiently with their teacher, MALLORY O'BRIAN. Cathy opens the door to address them. CATHY Excuse me. Hi. We're going to be just a minute so why doesn't everyone have a seat. [leaves] MALLORY [to the children] All right. Everybody, nicely and quietly, take a seat. CUT TO: INT. JOSH'S BULLPEN AREA - DAY Donna is standing in front of Josh, holding out a fresh shirt and tie. JOSH No. DONNA Put it on. JOSH No. DONNA Put it on. JOSH No. DONNA You've been wearing the same clothes for 31 hours now, Josh. JOSH [OS] I am not getting spruced up for these people, Donna. DONNA All the girls think you look really hot in this shirt. Josh grabs the shirt and tie. Donna walks out of the office into the corridor. DONNA [calling out] Bonnie! BONNIE [OS] Yeah? DONNA Tell Toby he's changing his shirt. BONNIE Right. We move to the LOBBY where Cathy meets Sam as he enters. CATHY You're late. SAM I'm having kind of a weird day. [They begin walking.] CATHY Leo's daughter's cla** is waiting with their teacher and a couple of parents in the Roosevelt Room. SAM I don't know what to say to them. CATHY You're supposed to tell them about the building and its history. Do you need anything? SAM I need someone to tell me about the building and its history. CATHY Just fake it. SAM I can't fake it. CATHY Of course you can fake it. THE ROOSEVELT ROOM. Fifteen or so fourth-graders, dressed in their White House best, are sitting patiently along with their teacher, Mallory. Sam and Cathy pull around the corner and stop outside the door. SAM Which one is Leo's daughter? CATHY What does it matter? SAM I want to make a good impression. What does she look like? CATHY I don't know. SAM Okay. I just want to thank you for all of your help. CATHY Sure. Sam tries to open one of the doors, but finds it locked. Cathy opens the other door for him. SAM Hi, I'm sorry to be late. MALLORY Mr. Seaborn. Mallory O'Brian. SAM Hi. MALLORY And these are the fourth graders at Clearlake Elementary School who wrote the best essays on why they wanted to visit the White House. SAM Well, that's just great, why don't we get started. [walks around the table] My name is Sam Seaborn and I'm the Deputy Communications Director. What does that mean exactly? Well, to begin with, I'm a counselor to the President, mostly on domestic matters, though generally not security related. I work with Toby Ziegler, the Communications Director; and C.J. Cregg, the Press Secretary, on crafting our message and getting it out through the electronic and print media. And while my functions here are generally perceived to be politically skewed, it's important to remember that it is not the D.N.C., but rather your tax dollars that pay my salary. So I work for you whether you voted for us or not. There's an awkward silence in the room before-- MALLORY Mr. Seaborn, maybe you could give us some history. SAM Sure. I graduated law school eight years ago and started working for Dewey-Ballantine where I-- MALLORY Actually, I'm sorry to interrupt, actually I meant a history of the building. SAM The White House. MALLORY Yes. SAM Sure. [pause] The White House, as you know, was built several years ago. Mostly, if I'm not mistaken, out of cement. The room we're in right now, the Roosevelt Room, is very famous. It is named for our 18th President, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The chairs that you're sitting on today were fashioned from the lumber of a pirate ship captured during the Spanish-American-- The students are enraptured, but Mallory becomes upset. MALLORY [stands] All right. Kids, I need to speak with Mr. Seaborn. Sit tight for a second. Sam follows Mallory into the HALLWAY. MALLORY Hi. SAM How ya doin'? MALLORY I'm sorry to be rude, but are you a moron? SAM In this particular area, yes. MALLORY The 18th President was Ulysses S. Grant, and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore. SAM Really? MALLORY There's like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt. SAM I should've put two and two together. MALLORY Yes. SAM Look, the thing is, while there are really a great many things I can speak with authority, I'm not good at talking about the White House. MALLORY You're the White House Deputy Communications Director and you're not good at talking about the White House? SAM Ironic, isn't it? MALLORY I don't believe this. [starts to go back into the room, but Sam stops her] SAM Wait a minute. Wait. Please. Could you do me favor? Could you tell me which one of those kids is Leo McGarry's daughter? MALLORY Why? SAM Well, if I could make eye contact with her, make her laugh, you know, just see that she has a good time, it might go a long way toward making my life easier. MALLORY These children worked hard. All of them. And I'm not inclined at this moment to make your life easier. SAM Ms. O'Brian, I understand your feelings, but please believe me when I tell you that I'm a nice guy having a bad day. I just found out the Times is publishing a poll that says a considerable portion of Americans feel that the White House has lost energy and focus. A perception that's not likely to be altered by the video footage of the President riding his bicycle into a tree. As we speak, the Coast Guard are fishing Cubans out of the Atlantic Ocean while the Governor of Florida wants to blockade the Port of Miami. A good friend of mine's about to get fired for going on television and making sense, and it turns out I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night. Now. Would you please, in the name of compa**ion, tell me which one of those kids is my boss's daughter. MALLORY That would be me. SAM You. MALLORY Yes. SAM Leo's daughter's fourth grade cla**. MALLORY Yes. SAM [pause] Well, this is bad on so many levels. FADE OUT. END ACT THREE * * * ACT FOUR FADE IN: INT. HALLWAY - DAY Josh, C.J., Toby, Donna and a few aides walk through the corridors toward the MURAL ROOM. C.J. She's gonna try and bait you, Josh, you understand what I'm saying? JOSH Lloyd Russell. Yeah, that'll last. C.J. Are you listening to me? JOSH [repeating] They're gonna try and bait me. C.J. They want you to say something arrogant. JOSH I don't need baiting for that. They walk into the MURAL ROOM where Al Caldwell, Mary Marsh, John Van Dyke, and several staffers are waiting. TOBY Hi. Hi, good afternoon. We apologize. We're running a bit behind today. Josh sits quietly, as C.J. and Toby greet everyone. CALDWELL That's quite all right. How's the President's health. C.J. It's a mild sprain, he'll be fine. CALDWELL Good, good. You all know Mary Marsh and John Van Dyke. C.J. Yes. TOBY Everybody, sit, sit, sit. We're happy you all could come talk with us today. As you know, the President makes a usual Sunday morning radio address, and in a few weeks we've scheduled-- CALDWELL Ah, Toby, if I may interrupt for just a momentae the goals and spirit of Christian and Family oriented organizations, while embraced by a great and growing number of Americans, have been met with hostility and contempt by their Government. Now, yesterday morning, on the television program Capital Beat, that contempt was given a voice... and a face... and a name. [to Josh] I'm referring, of course, to you, sir. JOSH Yes, I know, and I'm glad you brought that up... CALDWELL I was surprised at you, Josh. I always counted you as a friend. JOSH And I'm honored by that, Reverend. First, let me say that when I spoke on the program yesterday, I was not speaking for the President or this administration. That's important to know. Second, please allow me to apologize. My remarks were glib and insulting. I was going for the cheap laugh, and anybody willing to step up and debate ideas deserves better than a political punch line. Mary, I apologize. MARY [pause, then turns to Toby] Good then. Let's deal. TOBY [beat] I'm sorry? MARY What do we get? TOBY For what? MARY For insulting millions of Americans. TOBY Well, like Josh said... MARY I heard what Josh said, Toby, what do we get? TOBY An apology. MARY Sunday morning radio address. Public morals. School prayer or p**nography, take your pick. TOBY School prayer or p**nography? VAN DYKE It's on every street corner. TOBY I've seen it. Mary... MARY Condoms in the schools. TOBY What?! MARY Condoms in the schools. TOBY Well, that's a problem. MARY What? TOBY [raising his voice] We have a Surgeon General who says they dramatically reduce the risk of teen pregnancy and AIDS. MARY So does abstinence. VAN DYKE Show the average American teenage male a condom and his mind will turn to thoughts of lust. TOBY Show the average American teenage male a lug wrench and his mind'll turn... C.J. Toby! MARY School prayer, p**nography, condoms. What's it gonna be? TOBY We're not prepared to make any sort of deal right now. JOSH Sure we are. Mary... MARY [to Josh] My read of the landscape is that you're cleaning out your desk before the end of business today, so I'd just as soon negotiate with Toby if it's all the same to you. CALDWELL Mary. MARY [to Caldwell] Please allow me to work. [to Josh] It was only a matter of time with you, Josh. JOSH Yes. MARY That New York sense of humor was just a... CALDWELL Mary, there no need... MARY Reverend, please! They think they're so much smarter. They think it's smart talk. But nobody else does. JOSH I'm actually from Connecticut, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, Mary... TOBY She meant Jewish. [A stunned silence. Everyone stares at Toby.] When she said "New York sense of humor", she was talking about you and me. JOSH You know what, Toby, let's just not even go there. CALDWELL There's been an apology. Let's move on. VAN DYKE I'd like to discuss why we hear so much talk about the First Amendment coming out of this building, but no talk at all about the First Commandment. MARY I don't like what I've just been accused of. TOBY [raising his voice] I'm afraid that's just tough, Mrs. Marsh. VAN DYKE The First Commandment says "Honor thy Father". TOBY No it doesn't. JOSH Toby-- TOBY It doesn't. JOSH Listen-- TOBY No, if I'm gonna make you sit through this preposterous exercise, we're gonna get the names of the damn commandments right. MARY Okay. Here we go. TOBY "Honor thy Father" is the Third Commandment. VAN DYKE Then what's the First Commandment? A booming voice comes from off screen. The camera moves to show PRESIDENT JED BARTLET with a cane standing in the doorway with several Secret Service agents. PRESIDENT JED BARTLET "I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt worship no other God before me." Boy, those were the days, huh? Everyone stands. CALDWELL Good afternoon, Mr. President. BARTLET Al. What do we got here, C.J.? C.J. Well, we've got some hot tempers, Mr. President. BARTLET Mary. JOHN VAN DYKE Mr. President, I'm John Van Dyke. BARTLET Yes. Reverend? VAN DYKE May I ask you a question, sir? BARTLET Of course. VAN DYKE If our children can buy p**nography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech? BARTLET No. VAN DYKE Really? BARTLET On the other hand, I do think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for p**nography. C.J. Why don't we all sit down? BARTLET No. Let's not, C.J. These people won't be staying that long. May I have some coffee, Mr. Lewis? Al, how many times have I asked you to denounce the practices of a fringe group that calls itself The Lambs of God? CALDWELL Sir, it's not up to me to... BARTLET Crap. It is up to you, Al. You, know, my wife, Abbey, she never wants me to do anything while I'm upset. [a staffer hands him coffee] Thank you, Mr. Lewis. 28 years ago, I come home from a very bad day at the State House. I tell Abbey I'm going out for a drive. I get in the station wagon, and put it in reverse, and pull out of the garage full speed. [Leo and Sam appear in the doorway and quietly enter into the room.] Except I forgot to open the garage door. Bartlet pauses to take a drink of his coffee and smile at Josh, who smiles back uncomfortably. BARTLET [cont.] Abbey told me to not drive while I was upset and she was right. She was right yesterday when she told me not to get on that damn bicycle while I was upset, but I did it anyway, and I guess I was just about as angry as I've ever been in my life. It seems my granddaughter, Annie, had given an interview in one of the teen magazines. And somewhere between movie stars and make-up tips, she talked about her feelings on a woman's right to choose. Now Annie, all of 12, has always been precocious, but she's got a good head on her shoulders and I like it when she uses it, so I couldn't understand it when her mother called me in tears yesterday. I said, "Elizabeth, what's wrong?" She said, "It's Annie." Now I love my family and I've read my bible from cover to cover so I want you to tell me, from what part of the Holy Scripture do you suppose the Lambs of God drew their Divine inspiration when they sent my 12 year-old granddaughter a Raggedy Ann doll with a knife stuck through its throat? [pause] You'll denounce these people, Al. You'll do it publicly. And until you do, you can all get your fat a**es out of my White House. [Everyone is frozen.] C.J., show these people out. MARY MARSH I believe we can find the door. BARTLET Find it now. The group leaves the room quickly and quietly. CALDWELL [quietly to Leo] We'll fix this, Leo. LEO See that you do. Bartlet has gone out the side door, through an adjoining room and into THE OVAL OFFICE. The staff begins recovering from this last moment and following the President. JOSH Okay, can I just say that, as it turned out, I was the calmest person in the room? TOBY Hey... C.J. Way to stay cool. TOBY I am not empowered to auction off the Bill of Rights. JOSH I thought you were going to take a swing at her there. TOBY She was calling us New York Jews, Josh. JOSH Yeah, but being from Connecticut, I didn't mind so much. [They enter the Oval Office.] You, C.J., on the other hand, were brilliant. I particularly liked the part where you said nothing at all. C.J. I'm sorry, Josh, I was distracted. All I could really think about was Lloyd Russell and your girlfriend. SAM Mandy and Lloyd Russell? JOSH I'll be puttin' an end to that. BARTLET "Hello, Mr. President. Did you have a nice trip, sir? How's the ankle, sir?" Seems to me we've all been taking a little break. Thinking about our personal lives or thinking about keeping our jobs. Breaks are good. It's not a bad idea taking a break every now and then. I know how hard you all work. MARGARET, Leo's secretary, brings Leo a note, which he slips to Bartlet after reading it. BARTLET [speaks while reading the note] There was this time that Annie came to me with this press clipping. Seems these theologians down in South America were very excited because this little girl from Chile had sliced open a tomato, and the inside flesh of this tomato had actually formed a perfect Rosary. The theologians commented that they thought this was a very impressive girl. Annie commented that she thought it was a very impressive tomato. I don't know what made me think of that. [reporting the information from the slip of paper] Naval Intelligence reports approximately 1200 Cubans left Havana this morning. Approximately 700 turned back due to severe weather, some 350 are missing and presumed dead, 137 have been taken into custody in Miami and are seeking asylum. [pause] With the clothes on their backs, they came through a storm. And the ones that didn't die want a better life. And they want it here. Talk about impressive. My point is this: Break's over. LEO Thank you, Mr. President. The senior staff say their thanks and begin to leave the office. Josh is the last to the door. BARTLET Josh. "Too busy being indicted for tax fraud"? [beat] Don't ever do it again. JOSH [quietly] Yes sir. [exits] BARTLET [calls] Mrs. Landingham. What's next? MRS. LANDINGHAM Governor Thomas and the Majority Leader have asked to be conferenced in and the group from NASA is a**embling for their photo-op. At seven o'clock, you have... Mrs. Landingham continues as the camera moves and shows us an overhead shot of the Presidential Seal and the Oval Office. DISSOLVE TO: END CREDITS. FADE TO BLACK.