(tom meltzer) If my life was a movie i'd want to be jackie chan Cause humor grace and honor are the marks of a man My fights would all be glorious, my smile would melt girls' hearts I'd be the toast of hong kong, my songs would top the charts But i am what i am and that's all i am That's all i can stand cause i can't stands no more If my life was a silent film i'd want to be buster keaton I'd embrace the blues and in the process i'd defeat them I'd have no fight with gravity, i'd do just as i please I'd tumble down each flight of stairs with the greatest of ease Chorus If my life was a cartoon i'd want to be the popeye the sailor I'd have a damsel in distress and i would never fail her I'd mutter something clever then i'd knock bluto cold I'd be a one-eyed mumbling crazy thug with a heart of gold And all my problems would be solved because i eat my greens My life it would be measured out in well-constructed scenes I'd have drama without tragedy, anger without pain Love without loneliness, hey, i would not complain Chorus